What students need, not what they want

The old 90's song "What A Girl Wants" from Christina Aguilera says, "What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes me happy sets me free."

It is interesting because as I have worked within youth ministry I feel like this has become our mindset for our programs. No, we aren't just giving girls what they want (think bigger), we are giving our students what they want in order to make them happy.

Have you ever noticed how we cave to popular culture in our youth programming? How we have to match the trends that are up and coming? Just take a look around your youth room, area, wing, whatever. Do you have a ton of technology? Does your worship team play all the new and upbeat Christian music? Do you have to have tons of sugary snacks to bring students in? Are you always looking for a new game, gimmick, or outreach program to bring in more kids?

Please hear me out. I am not trying to guilt trip any of us. We all use these tools and I believe most of us use them effectively, but is this what youth ministry was meant to be? Were we meant to be the popular place, the place students automatically want to go, the "it" place in town? Or were we meant to be Gospel-centered places of refuge, revitalization, and freedom?

Many of you, like I first did, will cry afoul. We teach the Gospel, we help make disciples, we minister to broken youth. Yes we do. But my argument, my mindset, is that we need to have the proper foundation upon which to do these programs. It shouldn't be bringing in kids with lights, loud music, sweets, froyo, inflatables, and activities no one else is doing. It should be with the Gospel. The Gospel is what should be bringing students into our youth groups, our churches. We can argue all day that we need to make the Gospel relevant to our culture, but the reality we fail to realize all the time is that the Gospel will transcend all time, all cultures, all demographics, all age groups. Jesus knew this and to be frank He understood youth ministry.

Jesus led the greatest band of youth in the New Testament when he took eleven young men and one adult, who didn't know how to keep his mouth shut, and turned them into the greatest revival in history. Jesus worked with troubled kids, bullies, liars and thieves, rebels, and many others and He didn't bring them in with sugary treats, technology, and bold outreaches. Instead, He brought them in with honest teaching, interpersonal relationships, a multiplication model, constant prayer, and ultimately let them go. Are we ready for that? Are we modelling that? I know I haven't been willing to let go, but I believe we need to model the programming Christ set forth. Will you step out with me and let the revival come?

So what should we do? I am not saying rid your youth group of candy, games, outreach events, and craziness because these are all good things, but instead I believe we should rethink our purpose and how we do things. I would suggest four things to do:

Preach the Gospel unabashedly
This should be a no-brainer but the reality is the Gospel isn't always as prevalent as it should be. Think about it: how much time do you devote to games, snacks, hangout time, movies, etc. Now think about how much time you take preaching the Word of God and proclaiming salvation. Does the obvious one outweigh the other? Our priorities can be noted by the time we spend there. Please do not hear this as being critical of youth pastors and their programs. I am in that place as well. It is something that even as I write this I am strongly convicted and questioning how we do ministry. This is meant to be more of a rallying cry for us to stand upon our convictions and push them home. Let us put the Gospel back in the central point it deserves!

Become a safe place
Again, we probably all assume that our youth programs are safe areas for students, but I think we miss things. Bullying is a hot topic and I think most of us could say we keep bullying out of our programs, but what about gossip, sarcasm, judging others, disrespect? These things can drastically alter the DNA of a youth group and cause it to become a place where students do not want to be. We need to be a place that builds its foundation on the Gospel, and then seeks to promote love, peace, forgiveness, and grace. We need to start educating our students on the dangers and problems associated with these attitudes and heart issues.

Another way to be a safe place is to constantly push home that students can be themselves here, that there is no judgement, that there are people they can talk to, and they can trust us. I have written before on trust, and I cannot over emphasize this point. We need to keep our word and our confidences with students (of course there are always extenuating circumstances, but the short version is keep your word). We as pastors, as leaders, as volunteers, must be a source of trust, advice, and direction in a student's life and we need to be a place that students know they can come for help. Bring in volunteers who are gifted in counseling, make connections with licensed counselors inside and outside your church, have crisis care information at the ready, and talk about these issues! The one thing I cannot express enough is we need to be leaders who do not brush the issues under the carpet or do not talk about them because they are messy and difficult. We must talk about them and we must educate our students on how to walk through these times, all the while advocating our support, love, and care for them.

Start from the ground up
We need to be a praying generation. Maybe it is just something that God has been stirring within my heart, convicting me in areas I fall short, but I believe we need to be praying more for our volunteers, our students, our ministries, our churches, and our world. If we are not falling on our knees to ask God to change our world, our towns, our students, we are missing the mark. If you study the early church in Acts you see that everything they did was covered in prayer. It was prayer and seeking God in Acts 2 that caused thousands to be added to their numbers. When the believers prayed for boldness in Acts 4, God gave fishermen, tax collectors, zealots, and the uneducated the ability to proclaim God's Word, and they grew again! Going further into Acts we see countless times that prayer brought about salvation, sending out of disciples, and discipleship!

Prayer can and will transform our programs! Are we praying enough? I am sure many, if not all of us are praying during our personal study times, we pray during staff meetings, at home for meals, with our spouses and children, but when was the last time you prayed over the church, your youth room, where you do counseling? When was the last time you brought your volunteers, student leaders, and/or parents in to pray for that week's meeting? I believe that prayer must be part of our foundation or we will never experience the growth that the early church did. So often I have wondered why a program not growing more? Why has it remained stagnate? Why are we just existing? And then the Holy Spirit grabs my heart and says, "Get on your knees you foolish man. You cannot do this. Only I, the God who placed you here, can!" My question is, are we praying enough? I know I am not. Perhaps if we all prayed, if we rallied our volunteers, students, parents, church staff and prayed fervently and constantly sought the face of God, we would see an explosion happen once again in the Bride of Christ.

Be prepared for a revival
Coming off of the last point, I think we need to ask ourselves, are we truly ready for revival to come like we sing about in our songs? Truly, if we cry out in prayer God is inclined to move through His people and are we ready for that? Can you see youth groups and churches bursting from the seams as God fills the church? Can you see schools and towns changing? Can you see the world changing? This is the vision John has in Revelation when he sees people from every tongue and nation singing and worshiping God! Guys this is an amazing picture of what is coming, and we need to ask ourselves, are we ready for this? Are we doing our part to share the Gospel with those we minister to?Are we content to be where we are and just exist? May it never be! Let us be ever willing to cry out for this!

So what should we do to prepare for this?

• Have leadership ready - Get a team of volunteers, student leaders, and parents in place to help disciple, pray for, and walk with people who come to the church.
• Put the priority on God - Always preach the Gospel, always give God glory, and always direct others to Him.
• Be prepared to make changes on faith - Look to grow the church and not be tied down to a location, facility, program, or way of doing things. God sent the disciples out with no place to lay their heads or any understanding of the world outside of their country and look what happened. The church, the Bride of Christ, came into existence! 
• Be in prayer - Be in constant prayer for what God is going to be doing. Always look to Him for guidance, direction, and understanding.
• Get other youth groups and churches in on this - Don't be an island; look to be ecumenical and inclusive with other Gospel-believing churches. God is going to do great things not through one program or church but through all of His people. Bring others in!

I know this was a lot tied into one post, but we need to be willing to let go of our programming and let God run the show without trying to do it our way. Let us love unabashedly, serve without hesitation, give God the glory and control always, and reach our students, families, and the world with the amazing truth that is the Gospel.

Cynical much?

Have you ever found yourself to just be in a complaining rut? Do you come home and just talk about how poor your day was, or how horrible your co-workers are? Are you noticing you are overly pessimistic? Do you ever feel like you're overly cynical? Or maybe do you just feel like everything around you is just horrible?

Maybe its just me who feels this way, but I don't think I am alone. Recently I have been feeling very cynical toward life and people. I find that sometimes I hit this rut due to stress, work, or just life in general and I tend to have a pessimistic attitude toward life. Usually I am fairly happy and jovial but sometimes I just hit a point where, for a little while, I just think, act, and talk like life is horrible and the people around me aren't where they should be. I just have a dismal attitude toward life in general, but unfortunately people become my target and I complain about them a lot.

Perhaps it is because people are there. They are always around, and in constantly interacting with them, my perfectionist side sees it and can easily recognize their faults and then my sinful nature tears them apart. I am a messed up person, I will be the first to admit that, but I don't think that I or we should simply chalk up shortcomings to our sinful nature. Yes we are sinful, but that cannot be our cop out. We cannot allow it!

Within the past week I have felt God crying out to me saying, "Stop! Stop talking about people. Stop seeing their faults. Stop believing you are better then they are. Stop complaining. Just stop." But then I heard Him say something else...Start. "Start loving people again. Start seeing people as I see them again. Start serving again as I serve. Start being my hands and feet again. Start!"

If I had to be perfectly honest, I don't like conviction. I already said I am a perfectionist so when I hear "stop" or feel in the wrong it hurts because I know I didn't meet the requirements. I didn't meet the standard that was set. I fell short. But then that is when I look to Scripture. Scripture tells us we all fall short, but that it is God who does the work within us and helps us to change!

Now I say all this and I know there has to be practicality. It is one thing to say "I will stop being cynical" or "I will stop complaining" but we all know that isn't how it works. We must have some ways to combat this. So after some prayer and searching Scripture, these are some ways I found that can be very helpful in overcoming our cynical mentality.

1. Pray for those you complain about. Scripture makes it abundantly clear that prayer is important, but it also tells that we are to pray for our enemies. This doesn't just mean someone who is your mortal enemy, but anyone who rubs you the wrong way. If you find you come home and you complain about your boss, your professor, the other company, a friend, random drivers on the road, try stopping and praying for them. Not that God would change them and their heart, but that He would change yours. Pray that God shows you their good qualities. Thank God for them. List three things that they do well.
    
2. Be mindful of what you say. This is a big one for me. I don't always think before I speak. I am from the Northeast originally and I tend to blame it on growing up in a fast paced lifestyle, but let's be honest: sometimes I don't care about what I say or I just want to say something for the sake of saying it. The Bible tells us that we need to be slow to speak but also quick to listen. So often I believe the source of conflict and a cynical attitude comes from a misunderstanding of a situation that, when we see it our way, we are quick to criticize or complain about. For instance: the person you are scheduled to meet weekly with has been consistently late and is always distracted during your meeting leaving you feeling undervalued, frustrated, and unaccomplished. You hear them talking about issues at home but you tell yourself when they are at work they should be focused on work and on their co-workers, otherwise what separates work from home? But what you missed was that their mother was seriously injured and they are caring for her at their home, their car died and they have to walk to work, and their spouse lost their job. And all we could do was complain about how they were distracted or late or left us feeling unfulfilled. When we begin to listen and care about people more we begin to be more mindful of what we say because we become invested in their life.
   
3. Check your heart. Sometimes I have found that it isn't the people around me who have changed, it is me. Usually I am getting overwhelmed and because I hold myself to a very high standard, I impart that onto other people without telling them. That isn't right at all because who am I to tell them that they need to match my way of doing things? But it gets worse because then when they fail, I hold it against them and they have no idea why I seem angry, or frustrated, or annoyed. That is a heart issue. It is pride. We cannot allow ourselves to transfer our sin issues onto others. Instead, ask God to change your heart. Ask Him to make you a better servant. Ask Him to show you where you need to grow. Ask Him for people who can honestly and openly speak into your life and challenge you.
    
4. Start a service jar. This is along the lines of a swear jar, but you aren't adding money to it, you are adding acts of service. There are a couple different ways to go about this. One is you could make up a bunch of service acts beforehand and stick them in a jar. Then whenever you complain, have a bad attitude, or are cynical you need to take one act of service out and complete it within 24 hours. The second way is that whenever you are critical about someone or something (like your job) you need to complete an act of service toward whomever and whatever that may be within 24 hours and place a piece of paper describing what you did in your service jar. How can you serve your job you ask? Maybe you bring in donuts for your team. Perhaps you show up early and empty the trash cans. Maybe you take some people out to lunch. Or maybe you find ways to thank everyone for what they do.
    
5. Serve those you are cynical about for thirty days. This is a big challenge, and not one for the faint of heart. This takes the service jar thought process, caters it specifically toward people, and magnifies it. If there is someone you find yourself complaining about all the time, commit to serving that person for 30 days straight. Now I know myself and I know I will still probably find something to complain about while serving them, so I would say the service jar rules still apply as well. Kind of a double whammy, but let's be real: a lot of us need that! So my challenge would be find a way to serve them that isn't self-serving, or out of contempt. Don't give them a watch to help them be on time. Instead ask how you can help them with their workload. Inevitably this will lead to you actually caring about and getting to know that person. And what you will come to realize is that through this you have started to change. 

I know this isn't easy. It is a lot easier to wallow in our own self-pity and frustrations. To give in to complaining and bad mouthing others. But is the easiest way truly the right way? Is it even the best way? No it isn't. We cannot give in to this mentality. We are called to be different. We are set apart for something greater. So who will stand with me as we stand above reproach and given toward honoring others and Christ through our words, actions, and thoughts? God help us to be different and more like you!

What to do when you are frustrated by your employment and/or ministry

**Disclaimer: The following has nothing to do with my current employment or my current feelings toward it. This is simply a piece designed to help those who are struggling in their work and ministry contexts as I know there are times we all question why we are doing what we are doing. With that said, I have been there, I have had feelings of inadequacy, wanting to walk away, and feeling like I needed a change of scenery. I am hoping that offering some advice, encouragement, and personal insight may help those around me.**

Your boss walks into your office Tuesday morning, sits down and tells you that your department met your quota and beat out every other department, but he is downsizing yours due to budgetary reasons. Oh and by the way he expects you to maintain your quota in the same time frame you just met.

Your senior pastor meets you as you are setting up for programming and seemingly off the cuff states "You and I don't appear to be on the same mission together...we need to fix that. Oh and how did last night go?"

You just successfully ran your organization's biggest fundraiser and netted them the largest amount of donations they have ever had. Some of your fellow employees walk over after the evening has ended and all they can do is complain about the service, food, pleading for money, and how you should have chosen a different career path.

You work in a male-dominated office where you are never taken seriously. Jokes are constantly made about how you should handle all the office parties because you're a woman and know about cooking and decorating. Every time you suggest something that could improve your work environment or the entire company you are given the proverbial pat on the head and told to let the men handle the real work.

The elder board calls you in for an emergency meeting. You show up thinking you are ready for anything, but then they look at you and say, "Well, you have done a good job here. But your ministry costs a lot of money, money we don't have...so we are going to have to let you go." What are you going to tell your wife and kids?

Many of us have had experiences just like these or very similar to them. Some of you reading this may be walking through these circumstances right now, and perhaps you found yourself yelling in affirmation, "That's me!" I get it. Work or ministry is hard at times and it drains you. I totally get it.

My ministry is my career. I love what I do. I am passionate about it. And to be frank: I have been hurt a lot in ministry. I have also been hurt in careers outside of ministry. I have been let go, I have been criticized for how I ran my team, I have had to fire people because I was told to, I have been told maybe ministry isn't my calling, I have been told I work for Satan. I don't offer these as a way of saying, "Look, I have weathered the storm why can't you?" I offer this to say, "I get it." I understand. I have walked through garbage in my jobs and career as well. I simply want to offer you some reflective reasons for why this happens, and some means to cope. Neither will be exhaustive, but my hope is to encourage you, any of you, who are reading this and feeling spent, hurt, forgotten, or marginalized.

So why does this happen? Before we get into this I would ask that we lay aside all default defenses. Yes, your boss could be the reason. They could just be a horrible person who hates life, teddy bears, and small children. Yes, your work environment could be dismal. The roof leaks, the trash is never emptied, and your co-worker smells. And yes, your job is just a job. You don't want to be there, they don't want you there, and to be honest you are looking elsewhere. I get it. There a lot of circumstances, but I want to look inward, at ourselves. Often times we tend to blame the problem and refuse to look at ourselves. I am not looking to blame, I am simply saying let's take a look at our own hearts and motivations before we do.

Looking inward is more often than not a frustrating and discouraging activity as we see faults, inconsistencies, and sin. It is when we do this that too often we beat ourselves up because we see glaring areas that must be fixed, but my hope is that as we work through these areas we do not become self-deprecating but instead look at this with hope, resiliency, and a desire for change. Again, there are many areas in which we could struggle but I believe these four are the key areas for many of us.

• Selfishness
• Often times we place value on our job, our desk, our way of doing things, our methodology, our teaching, our skill set, our ministry...our, our, our! Now here is the thing: what gives you the right to have ownership over anything you do? Your desk was probably there before you started working. That ministry can and will continue without you. Your skills are yours but other people have skills and knowledge as well. The problem is we are told that we deserve something, actually everything, that we want and so we pursue everything as if it is already ours. But the crazy thing is nothing is yours. The Bible says in Psalm 24 that the entire earth is the Lord's. Not ours. When we continue with the notion that the items of this world are ours we become selfish, resentful, and indigent with change and new ideas or systems. That is our problem. That is our heart, our sinful nature, grasping and pulling at us telling us that we deserve everything when the truth is we deserve nothing but are given everything. 
• Pride
• Pride is a natural progression from selfishness, but I believe that it is more dangerous. Pride is coupled with arrogance, a critical attitude, and a judgmental spirit that can be disastrous to the workplace, co-workers, relationships, families, and yourself. Now some may jump up and champion that they take pride in their work because they were raised to work hard and this is America! We are proud of our work ethic. And to that I would say good, be proud of it. But where is that pride truly rooted? Is it in yourself, your accomplishments, your work ethic, your neat desk area, your ministry, the growth you brought to your program, the way you lead and teach? Or is it rooted in Christ? When you are proud of your work do you say, "I am proud because God has given me this work ethic, this job, this paycheck, this team, this ministry"? Do you call everything yours or do you thank God that He and He alone has allowed you to step into this career and work for Him, to give Him glory? These are hard questions and I would encourage you to ask them of yourself. 
• Lack of direction and communication
• I am not talking about direction given from a superior. I am talking about how we sometimes show up to just get our job done and do not offer to do anything more, we are content to just meander along without any desire to grow, we simply maintain. This is not okay. Doing this does a disservice to others because it shows a lack of accountability. We are saying that we do not have the capability to think for ourselves and instead pass the blame to someone else. He/she never told me to do this. I never knew I couldn't put staples in the coffee maker. How was I supposed to know metal in the microwave would cause it to blow up? This is our mentality because we are rooted in sin. We started doing this at the beginning of time! We pass the blame and hope for the best because we are too stubborn and selfish to ask for direction! If we simply communicated and asked for help so many problems would cease to exist and we could potentially thrive in our careers and ministries.

Now I know this post is getting long but please bear with me. I would love to offer some ways to help you cope with your work environment if it is truly a struggle to be there. Because let's be honest, sometimes the workplace won't get better. You may be doing everything you can to please God and your boss (no they aren't the same regardless of what they tell you) and it still is a horrible place to be. So let me offer these thoughts:

• Pray
• Do this a lot! Sometimes in hard times and dismal work environments we forget to do that. If you have a nasty boss pray for them. Pray for that "lazy" co-worker. Pray for the janitor who never empties your trash. Pray. You do not know what is going on in that person's life that could make them the way they are. So ask God to help you see them as He does: His child that He lovingly created and hopes to have a relationship with.
• Talk to someone
• Go and find someone who is older and wiser than you and seek direction. One of the greatest benefits in my life is having mentors speak into it. These people have helped me grow, called me on my inconsistencies and shortcomings, and have challenge me to be a better man, employee, and servant of God. They also listen and will have your back. If you need help finding someone, ask me and I will give some clarifying ways to do so.
• Communicate with your boss
• If your work sucks, have you talked to your boss? Have you expressed your dissatisfaction? Have you done so respectfully, without having your frustrations come through, your blood boil, or going with preconceived notions? All of those will contribute to poor communication and lack of results. Go honestly and with a clear head. Share what is going on, ask for change, and be willing to meet halfway or even two-thirds. 
• Take a break
• Sometimes you need a vacation. Time to recharge your batteries. Take it! If you are frustrated and upset, now is the time.
• Ask yourself some questions
• Is this the right job for you? What makes this place difficult for you? Why do you stay? Are you contributing to your own frustrations? What would your ideal job look like? Does that job exist? Being honest with yourself and asking hard questions will hopefully bring about some resolve to the situation.
• Do not take your anger and frustration home
• If you are married, have a family, have roommates, trust me they know when you have had a bad day. They know when work is bad, your boss yelled at you, etc. But you do not have to treat them like they are part of the problem. They care about you and only want the best. We need to learn to share our hurts, problems, and issues without getting on them for what happened at work. 
• Look to how Jesus handled conflict
• Jesus spoke into the situations calmly, with authority, and with respect. If things got heated (like when they tried to kill Him), He moved on. When people were obnoxious (disciples and Pharisees), He spoke to them in a way to teach them and make them better. Maybe Jesus knew a thing or two about leadership?
• Write a verbatim
• Most of you probably have no idea what this is, which is fine, I didn't either until a year or so ago. A verbatim is a paper that you write about a conflict you are in. You write down everything that happened verbatim in a script form (Nick: blah blah, Tom: blab blab, etc.). Then you ask probing questions afterward and answer them. What could I have done differently, how did this make me feel, what did I do to contribute to the situation, how did I help the other person, what were all potential outcomes of the situation, how did I respond, how did the other people respond, what could I have done better, how can I fix the situation?

I am no workplace specialist. I do not claim to have all the answers. My desire is that this offers you some hope and encouragement.

29 going on 30

Wow! I cannot believe I am going to be 30 this Friday. It is crazy to think that I am already done with 29 years, and entering into the middle portion of my life. I know for many of you reading this you may say "Nick, you aren't that old" or "you have the best years ahead of you," but for some reason I can't help but reflect on what has occurred in my life these past years. So I wanted to share just some momentous years from this past decade with you. So sit back and check out some of the high points in the last ten years!

• I enrolled at Moody Bible Institute in 2006.
• I graduated college in 2009.
• I began a temporary career in security in 2009 that resulted in learning some pretty cool stuff and meeting some incredible people.
• I bought my first new car in 2011. Wrecked it, and bought another.
• I began working as a senior pastor at a church in New Egypt, New Jersey in 2011.
• I got my own place for the first time ever in 2011. It wasn't the prettiest but I struck out on my own!
• Elise and I began dating in 2012.
• I moved to Iowa in 2012.
• Elise and I became engaged in 2012 at Wrigley Field in Chicago.
• Elise and I got married on July 13, 2013!!!
• Elise and I took our first trip together outside of the country to Jamaica in 2013.
• I accepted a position at Parkview Church in Iowa City working with their Student Ministry Program.
• Elise and I relocated to Iowa City in 2013.
• I helped to orchestrate the biggest high school outreach for Parkview that is now entering its third year.
• I took my first missions trip since college to Belize in 2014.
• Elise and I celebrated our one year anniversary.
• Elise and I began sponsoring our Compassion Child, Subhashree, in 2015.
• Elise and I went on vacation to Mackinaw.
• Elise and I celebrated two years of marriag.
• I began my pursuing a dream of obtaining my Masters in Biblical Counseling with a Youth and Family emphasis.
• I started formulating the outline for a book proposal on holistic counseling for those who have walked through abuse, the abuser, and their families.

Call it a bit of nostalgia or reminiscing or Facebook flooding me with memories or whatever, but these past ten years have been pretty good to me, and because of that I think I do not want to let go. I think that is the way many of us lead our lives. We stay focused on the past. Things worked this way in the past so we must continue to do them this way, even if a newer way may be more effective. We had our best years behind us, and fear the future. We are getting older and weaker and our bodies don't work like they used to. As I sat here reflecting on my past, as amazing as it was, I realized that this mentality was rooted in something: fear. Fear of the future. Fear of aging. Fear of becoming irrelevant. Fear of the end. Fear of not meeting goals. Fear of failing. You name it, fear has become the master of our lives. But why is that? Why is this rooted there?

Have you ever noticed fear being used in the Bible? Have you also noticed that it is usually used within the context of "fear not"? God knows that we as humans fear. We fear disease, famine, wars, ISIS, terrorism, cancer, death, the afterlife, school, tests, tomorrow, interactions, loss, being told no, our mirror, our true selves. But the crazy thing is that in the midst of all this fear God tells us to fear not.

Fear not. It is a funny phrase. Fear not. Literally do not fear. But why shouldn't we fear? Isaiah 41:10 says this: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. We don't have to fear because the Alpha and Omega, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, I am, Jehovah, the Creator, the Everlasting God will always protect us and see us through things.

Thirty is a new milestone for me. It symbolizes the unknown, a new road to follow, getting older and hopefully wiser, more life changes. In the midst of it all I am vowing to FEAR NOT! And because of that I decided to make a list, not a bucket list, but a list of things that in faith I believe God will accomplish in this next decade of my life. So here ya go:

• Elise and I will celebrate ten years of being married and many more after that!
• I will graduate with my masters.
• I will begin actually writing and potentially publishing one of my books.
• I will continue to allow God to use me as a minister for His kingdom.
• Elise and I will see God grow our family.
• Elise and I will get a dog.
• I will pay off my debt.
• Elise and I can sponsor more Compassion Children.
• Elise and I will travel more.
• The ministry I serve in will grow and impact people with the Gospel.
• I will grow in my knowledge of God.
• I will grow in my knowledge of counseling.
• I will help family members come to know Jesus.

So here is to turning thirty! Not just another year older. Not just more gray hairs. Not feeling aged. But trusting God to continue to work in my life and use me as His hands and feet to bring this world to know the saving power of grace. 

A new type of politics

Change! Hope! I want to be that champion! Heal! Inspire! New Possibilities! New! Defeat! Higher Ground! No these are not posts for an inspiration cat poster that should adorn someone's office wall, but rather slogans, or snippets of slogans, that are being thrown around in our current political climate.

In case you haven't seen or heard, it is an election year and as such the perpetual mudslinging, political ads, and flyers are being relentlessly pushed into our faces. Surf the internet and the ads that target you are political. Open your mailbox and there are the candidates' faces plastered across endless postcards. Turn on the tv and watch the ads that support candidates and ones that tear apart all the others. The radio airs one political parties' advertisement and then immediately after the opponents. When does it end? Maybe I am just sensitive to this now that I live in a state that hosts a Caucasus and political candidates flock to. But when is enough, enough?

Now please hear me out. I love politics. I truly do. I believe every citizen has an inherent duty to vote in elections as this is how our country functions. It is how laws are passed as the candidates we support help to push laws forward. It is how we demonstrate our moral fortitude and resolve. I even love debating about politics. I may not be good at it, I don't always have the answers, and I know not everyone agrees with me, but I enjoy talking about it.

What I hate is how this time of year dictates almost everything that happens. We are fed constant spoonfuls of hate, name calling, mudslinging, and trivial backbiting, and that is only among the political candidates in the party we support. We are only in the primaries. But even more I hate what it does to the common people. To all of us.

Grab a handful of people and put them in a room. Challenge them to talk politics and their candidates without getting angry, walking out, or breaking into fisticuffs. It probably won't happen. Or better yet, scroll through your Facebook newsfeed and attempt to do so without becoming frustrated by the hundreds of political posts you see. This time of year turns people against each other and that's a problem.

I have seen families refuse to have conversations, friendships fractured, churches refrain from talking about anything dealing with politics, and countless people hurt from this time of year. Maybe instead of allowing our support of politicians to change us into someone who no one else wants to deal with, we should instead look to bring Jesus into the conversation? Instead of getting angry maybe we should look back on one of the best "campaign slogans" ever produced: WWJD. Instead of criticizing other candidates or those who support them maybe productive and calm dialogue would be better.

Oh and perhaps I should take this time to point out that Jesus wasn't a Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative, Socialist, Libertarian, or whatever else! Jesus didn't allow politics to sway Him. He didn't align with a political party. In fact Jesus brought people into His team of 12 whose politics were drastically different! He brought a Zealot who wanted to overthrow Rome. He had a tax-collector who worked for the Romans and robbed the poor. He had a poor fisherman who was part of the working class. He brought in people with religious backgrounds that were opposed to one another. You tell me what political party Jesus fell into? You can't!

One of the few times we see Jesus reference politics is when He tells those around Him to "render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's and to God the things that are God's." Jesus was responding to a political question that was an attempt to trap Him so He could be arrested, but He did something radical within the moment, as only Jesus truly can. He flipped the coin on it's head and challenged common thinking by saying honor your government by obeying them (paying taxes) but also honor God by giving Him what is His (your life and everything you have). This may seem a little odd because if we give our government something how then can we give everything to God? The answer is that by obeying God's command and doing what He tells us, we are giving God everything! We have obeyed Him and as such have given Him our lives!

So what does this have to do with the political climate today? I simply want to challenge you to think about a few things:

1. Who are you voting for and why?
2. Does your candidate align with what Scripture is saying? 
• Truly no one will ever perfectly align with God's Word because we are all broken and sinful, but have we chosen the best fit?
3. Are you treating others (yes even those in the party that you cannot stand) the way Jesus would?
4. Realize that our state, our country, our world will never truly know peace, love, and mercy until the Lord Himself returns and establishes it. Our words, actions, Facebook posts, memes, and whatever else we come up with will not change this world. God and God alone will change this world. The question is are you ready and willing to accept that?

To all my politically active friends: I love you. Know I hear your heart and passion for this, and I know that you fight so hard for this because you believe it to be right. But look to Christ's example and see if you align with it. Are you doing this in love? I know I haven't been. Will you join me in pursuing this part of our year in a manner that Jesus would? Will you maybe pause from declaring your candidate's prowess, your party's smarts, and your political knowledge and instead get on your knees and ask God to allow for us to be His disciples in this world? Maybe, just maybe, what we need is less politics and more Christ. 

Just some thoughts from someone who may or may not be a part of a political party, who supports a particular candidate, but is someone who loves Jesus and will do all he can to spread God's love this and every season of his life. 

When Does it End?

My heart breaks for all the shooting and unrest that is happening within our country and around the world. The complete lack of regard for human life is not only sickening but deplorable as well. When did human life become something that persons thought they had the power to take. I have grown weary of the violence and bloodshed.

Recently I was battling against this feeling of acceptance to violence. Many of you, if you were honest, would agree. We have become complacent with what is happening. We have grown to accept it as another facet of life. We have come to recognize it as the norm! Let me be honest and offer a little insight. Media had steeled my heart and soul to the violence. I could watch another story on a shooting, stabbing, bombing of a hospital, bodies in the street. Where before I used to turn away in remorse, pain, and empathy it has now become just another news story that I watch without batting an eye. When does it end?

We have become so complacent and accepting of what we see and hear and this has became all too clear at a recent shooting at our mall. Many of you know the story, but a young man shot a woman three times because she had ended a relationship with him, and this all unfolded while Elise and I were within site of the act. A young lady lost her life that evening, and it pains me to say that for a few days it never really set in. I was interviewed for local news agencies. I watched countless reports on the shooting. Read every document I could. But the reality that a child of God was brutally taken from this world did not set in for quite a while.

When it did, I mourned deeply. I began to cry over the violent way a life was ended. All this happened while I was watching a news story on the shooting, and I noticed immediately after that story more stories of violence, pain, and bloodshed filled the newscast. Truly violence sells. Truly violence has so impacted our lives it draws us in. Truly violence has become a way of life for us. Whether we commit it or choose to ignore it we are allowing violence to continue.

We must do something about this! We must change this! We must bring the love of Christ to the forefront of these issues! No more sitting by. No more pretending it doesn't happen. No more making excuses. No more ignorance. No more!!!

Let me make this clear: This is neither a political rant nor a religious stance (although I hope all I do and say is rooted in Christ and His calling on us to be His disciples) although those must be addressed. First for all of us who use these acts of violence as a pedestal for our political views and candidates...STOP! Stop using it as a crutch to fuel your political party, and simply help us stop it. Do not post your hashtags claiming you want to end violence, but do something about it. Hashtags mean nothing without helping the problem. Do not scream on street corners at those you do not agree with. When has yelling ever solved anything? Maybe engage the person and have a vested interest in them and perhaps change can take place. Attempting to block traffic and disrupt public servants turns them against your cause because you have become part them problem in their eyes. Maybe bring them coffee and ask to talk over your views. When was the last time you took your mayor, congressman, police chief lunch and asked to talk over the issues facing your town, county, state, country, or world? Instead of criticizing how a shooter or child molester "fits the profile" or "looks like someone who would do that" maybe we should focus on reaching out to those people before these acts occur. So many of these individuals have faced trauma and hurt that have now become a catalyst for what they did, but in the same breath so many of them never received help, love, or support. Instead of casting blame and presupposed views maybe instead we should be working to reach those on the fringe, the ones society forgets or willfully walks away from, those students who are tormented, those children who are abandoned, those people forgotten. Maybe instead of casting judgement we should cast concern, care, and love to others and seek to fix the problem at the root before it starts.

As for those who use violence as a resource for your so called "faith"...Shut it! Those who believe that you can proclaim that the shooting at Planned Parent Hood was an act of God's judgement or that this vile act saved lives, you are foolish and profane the very God you are claiming to serve. That is not love in the least bit. A true Christ follower would have gone down and helped those in need and served the widows and orphans. A true Christ follower would not belittle a woman seeking out an abortion but would ask her her name, to offer another option, and if she says no would not belittle her or cast slurs or Bible verses of condemnation upon her, but would instead call her their sister and let her know how much they love her and the life she carries.

All this to say: we have an obligation. An obligation to change our world. An obligation to turn from our violent ways. An obligation to protect life, not take it. An obligation to stand for truth, freedom, mercy, and grace. Imagine a world that our news stories glorified these aspects of society and humanity and not the killing and hurting of other people. What then? As a Christian, I have spiritual and moral obligation to do all I can to help end the hurt, pain, and violence that plagues this world. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and we cannot do that by pretending the problem doesn't exist, we cannot do that by becoming desensitized to the issues, we cannot do that by simply praying for the problem to end. We must change how we react, must change our interactions, simply put we must act. We must engage. We must show this world who Jesus is, how He values life, how He alone can bring healing, and how our world will only truly be healed once everyone has heard the name of Jesus and He returns to take us home.

Will you help change the world? Change isn't something I can make happen. But I can lead by example...the example Christ Himself set forth. I will love others regardless of race,gender, ethnicity, economic stance, sexual orientation, or religious views. I will seek to clothe and feed those who are orphaned, alone, and hungry. I will serve our public servants and politicians out of respect and a realization that their jobs are hard and thankless. I will not cave to the violence that we see but instead pray daily that God allows me to be a light in a dark place, a beacon on a hill, that proclaims love, grace, mercy, redemption, and transformation.

Will you help change the world?

A belated anniversary post

Wow, so Elise and I have just celebrated two years of marriage! I cannot believe that two years have flown by so quickly. It seems like just a short time ago when I asked her to marry me at Wrigley Field (video here), and only yesterday when we said "I do" with so many of you there to witness that moment.

But to be honest I wouldn't change any of it! These two years have been two of the best years of my life.

Now that doesn't mean it has been easy. Elise and I have faced many hard circumstances in the past two years. We have both lost jobs, we have moved multiple times, we have both started serving in ministry positions, we have lost loved ones, and so much more. We accomplished the big three in our first month of marriage: we moved (twice), we switched jobs, and we were trying to figure out how to be newlyweds.

FYI for all of you people who just got married or will be...don't do this! Haha. It was a very crazy time in our life but God was good through it all.

But through all of the craziness, the hurt, and stress I see why God has brought us together. God couldn't have crafted someone better for me. He purposely shaped Elise and I for one another and put us together for a purpose. He allowed for me to marry my very best friend and to live an amazing life with her by my side. Through all of our hard times with everything happening I can clearly see how we compliment, support, encourage, and love each other. God put someone amazing in my life who without her these past few years would have been completely different and I wouldn't be the man I am today.

All those years of wondering will I ever get married, will anyone ever love me, is there someone for me, does God really care about my relationships, I see now that God has a plan for all of us when it comes to marriage and that we need to patiently wait for His timing. I'll be honest, it sucked at some points, I am not a good waiter. Patience isn't my strong point. But when I finally had enough of trying to figure everything out, God stepped in and brought the very best person for me into my life. Marriage has been everything I thought it would be and so much more, and while waiting wasn't the easiest or the happiest for me, I see why God had me wait. He had me wait to mature myself, to grow me into a better man of God, to allow for me to love others better, to show me He was in control, and to allow for me to enter ministry with the best person in the world. God works in His own timing. Sometimes we don't know why, we don't want to know why, we want to figure it out on our own and do it our way, but after so many years of trying to do it my way and questioning God's plan, I now see how wonderfully crafted His plan was to bring Elise and I together.

So if you are waiting for God to bring that someone into your life know it isn't in vain, He hasn't forgotten about you, you are not unlovable or unworthy of marriage, there isn't something wrong with you, and you are not alone. God is preparing you for something unimaginable. He is crafting someone just for you, and you for them. He is shaping you to be ready to tackle what life will have for you in the future. Trust in God's plan and be honest with Him. Share your heart, share your pains, your insecurities, but know that He is in control and His plan for your life is being worked out each and every day, even when you don't see it. Rest in the peace that He is shaping you into a wonderful match for someone He created just for you, and in His time that person will step into your life and rock your world.

So all that to say, Elise, I am so thankful that we get to share life together. You're my very best friend! Knowing that I get to spend each day of the rest of my life with you is a blessing, I thank God for you each and every day. The love and support you have shown, and continue to show me, blows me away. The way you always smile and hug me when I get home is one of the best feelings in the world. I am blessed to call you my wife, my closest friend, my co-explorer, my travel buddy, my ministry partner, and my favorite person in the world. God created a beautifully sculpted woman when He made you, and He perfectly matched your outward beauty with the inward beauty. You're kind, loving, supportive, honest, godly, and someone I look up to and respect. I love you more than I could ever express and I am so excited for what God has in store for us in the next years!