Why it's worth it

Ministry--let's be real shall we--it isn't always glorious. It isn't always rewarding. It isn't always easy.

You don't usually hear that right out of Bible college or seminary. You hear just the opposite: You're equipped! Thousands like you have gone before. Take the world by storm. Be Jesus to the masses.

The reality is this: ministry is difficult, messy, full of broken people, and not about you. This can lead us to some very hard places. Places of doubt and anxiety. Feelings of am I good enough? We may question our calling and if it's time to move on.

I've been there. In fact, if I were completely honest, I've been there more times than I care to admit. I just walked through a period exactly like I described. Feelings of doubt. Questions of calling. Hurt. Depression. Worthlessness. Asking God why...

The truth is I questioned if I was to be in ministry after a very, very hard season. A season that saw much pain and grief. A season marked by lack of affirmation, being moved without understanding why, and wondering why we were leaving good students who we loved and cared for.

"God," I cried out, "Why does it hurt?! Did You not call me to this? Why is there so much pain? Such heartache? Do you have a plan? Am I washed up?"

Many of you are or have been there. You question why. You wonder if you're called. You take a break from ministry to heal and consider not going back. You cry...for hours, days, months...you've been there. I have too.

But in walking through this I have seen that it is worth it. That God has a plan. That ministry can and will get better. That there is light at the end of the very long tunnel. That we are called. That the enemy will try to use doubt, inadequacies, hurtful comments, critical natures, and rough patches to try to turn you from being God's faithful servant.

Brothers and sisters hear me: we are called according to God's purpose, by the One who foreknew us, and is using us to accomplish His workmanship! Ministry was never meant to be easy. We are called to a life of difficulty in ministering to a world that has turned its back on its Savior. There will be moments of suffering, moments of fracturing, but also moments of great joy!

We do not do this for our own affirmation. We do not do this for notoriety. We do not do this to be the best friend of students or to be the most popular youth pastor. We do not do this to be liked or given gifts. We do not do this to be the center. We do this to point to the Center: our Savior.

This season was hard. As I was sharing with my students about why God was calling us away. As I wept openly looking at students that I had become a father to. As I asked why, God spoke. He spoke through the many hands that students laid on my wife and I. He spoke through the parents who hugged us goodbye. He nourished our spirits as students and volunteers talked of how God worked through us to help them. He wept with Elise and I as we said goodbye to our home. He rejoiced as we were welcomed to where He called us. He smiled as we connected with new students. He whispered "trust Me" as we began to faithfully walk in a new ministry and season.

My friends. My co-laborers. Know that ministry is hard, but it is worth it! We may not always see it on this side of eternity, but know that you can continue to serve because our rest and our reward is in Him and Him alone. The author and perfecter of all things! It will get better, God will use you, lives will be changed, and God will say, "Well done, My good and faithful servant." Ministry is worth it!

What to do when you are frustrated by your employment and/or ministry

**Disclaimer: The following has nothing to do with my current employment or my current feelings toward it. This is simply a piece designed to help those who are struggling in their work and ministry contexts as I know there are times we all question why we are doing what we are doing. With that said, I have been there, I have had feelings of inadequacy, wanting to walk away, and feeling like I needed a change of scenery. I am hoping that offering some advice, encouragement, and personal insight may help those around me.**

Your boss walks into your office Tuesday morning, sits down and tells you that your department met your quota and beat out every other department, but he is downsizing yours due to budgetary reasons. Oh and by the way he expects you to maintain your quota in the same time frame you just met.

Your senior pastor meets you as you are setting up for programming and seemingly off the cuff states "You and I don't appear to be on the same mission together...we need to fix that. Oh and how did last night go?"

You just successfully ran your organization's biggest fundraiser and netted them the largest amount of donations they have ever had. Some of your fellow employees walk over after the evening has ended and all they can do is complain about the service, food, pleading for money, and how you should have chosen a different career path.

You work in a male-dominated office where you are never taken seriously. Jokes are constantly made about how you should handle all the office parties because you're a woman and know about cooking and decorating. Every time you suggest something that could improve your work environment or the entire company you are given the proverbial pat on the head and told to let the men handle the real work.

The elder board calls you in for an emergency meeting. You show up thinking you are ready for anything, but then they look at you and say, "Well, you have done a good job here. But your ministry costs a lot of money, money we don't have...so we are going to have to let you go." What are you going to tell your wife and kids?

Many of us have had experiences just like these or very similar to them. Some of you reading this may be walking through these circumstances right now, and perhaps you found yourself yelling in affirmation, "That's me!" I get it. Work or ministry is hard at times and it drains you. I totally get it.

My ministry is my career. I love what I do. I am passionate about it. And to be frank: I have been hurt a lot in ministry. I have also been hurt in careers outside of ministry. I have been let go, I have been criticized for how I ran my team, I have had to fire people because I was told to, I have been told maybe ministry isn't my calling, I have been told I work for Satan. I don't offer these as a way of saying, "Look, I have weathered the storm why can't you?" I offer this to say, "I get it." I understand. I have walked through garbage in my jobs and career as well. I simply want to offer you some reflective reasons for why this happens, and some means to cope. Neither will be exhaustive, but my hope is to encourage you, any of you, who are reading this and feeling spent, hurt, forgotten, or marginalized.

So why does this happen? Before we get into this I would ask that we lay aside all default defenses. Yes, your boss could be the reason. They could just be a horrible person who hates life, teddy bears, and small children. Yes, your work environment could be dismal. The roof leaks, the trash is never emptied, and your co-worker smells. And yes, your job is just a job. You don't want to be there, they don't want you there, and to be honest you are looking elsewhere. I get it. There a lot of circumstances, but I want to look inward, at ourselves. Often times we tend to blame the problem and refuse to look at ourselves. I am not looking to blame, I am simply saying let's take a look at our own hearts and motivations before we do.

Looking inward is more often than not a frustrating and discouraging activity as we see faults, inconsistencies, and sin. It is when we do this that too often we beat ourselves up because we see glaring areas that must be fixed, but my hope is that as we work through these areas we do not become self-deprecating but instead look at this with hope, resiliency, and a desire for change. Again, there are many areas in which we could struggle but I believe these four are the key areas for many of us.

• Selfishness
• Often times we place value on our job, our desk, our way of doing things, our methodology, our teaching, our skill set, our ministry...our, our, our! Now here is the thing: what gives you the right to have ownership over anything you do? Your desk was probably there before you started working. That ministry can and will continue without you. Your skills are yours but other people have skills and knowledge as well. The problem is we are told that we deserve something, actually everything, that we want and so we pursue everything as if it is already ours. But the crazy thing is nothing is yours. The Bible says in Psalm 24 that the entire earth is the Lord's. Not ours. When we continue with the notion that the items of this world are ours we become selfish, resentful, and indigent with change and new ideas or systems. That is our problem. That is our heart, our sinful nature, grasping and pulling at us telling us that we deserve everything when the truth is we deserve nothing but are given everything. 
• Pride
• Pride is a natural progression from selfishness, but I believe that it is more dangerous. Pride is coupled with arrogance, a critical attitude, and a judgmental spirit that can be disastrous to the workplace, co-workers, relationships, families, and yourself. Now some may jump up and champion that they take pride in their work because they were raised to work hard and this is America! We are proud of our work ethic. And to that I would say good, be proud of it. But where is that pride truly rooted? Is it in yourself, your accomplishments, your work ethic, your neat desk area, your ministry, the growth you brought to your program, the way you lead and teach? Or is it rooted in Christ? When you are proud of your work do you say, "I am proud because God has given me this work ethic, this job, this paycheck, this team, this ministry"? Do you call everything yours or do you thank God that He and He alone has allowed you to step into this career and work for Him, to give Him glory? These are hard questions and I would encourage you to ask them of yourself. 
• Lack of direction and communication
• I am not talking about direction given from a superior. I am talking about how we sometimes show up to just get our job done and do not offer to do anything more, we are content to just meander along without any desire to grow, we simply maintain. This is not okay. Doing this does a disservice to others because it shows a lack of accountability. We are saying that we do not have the capability to think for ourselves and instead pass the blame to someone else. He/she never told me to do this. I never knew I couldn't put staples in the coffee maker. How was I supposed to know metal in the microwave would cause it to blow up? This is our mentality because we are rooted in sin. We started doing this at the beginning of time! We pass the blame and hope for the best because we are too stubborn and selfish to ask for direction! If we simply communicated and asked for help so many problems would cease to exist and we could potentially thrive in our careers and ministries.

Now I know this post is getting long but please bear with me. I would love to offer some ways to help you cope with your work environment if it is truly a struggle to be there. Because let's be honest, sometimes the workplace won't get better. You may be doing everything you can to please God and your boss (no they aren't the same regardless of what they tell you) and it still is a horrible place to be. So let me offer these thoughts:

• Pray
• Do this a lot! Sometimes in hard times and dismal work environments we forget to do that. If you have a nasty boss pray for them. Pray for that "lazy" co-worker. Pray for the janitor who never empties your trash. Pray. You do not know what is going on in that person's life that could make them the way they are. So ask God to help you see them as He does: His child that He lovingly created and hopes to have a relationship with.
• Talk to someone
• Go and find someone who is older and wiser than you and seek direction. One of the greatest benefits in my life is having mentors speak into it. These people have helped me grow, called me on my inconsistencies and shortcomings, and have challenge me to be a better man, employee, and servant of God. They also listen and will have your back. If you need help finding someone, ask me and I will give some clarifying ways to do so.
• Communicate with your boss
• If your work sucks, have you talked to your boss? Have you expressed your dissatisfaction? Have you done so respectfully, without having your frustrations come through, your blood boil, or going with preconceived notions? All of those will contribute to poor communication and lack of results. Go honestly and with a clear head. Share what is going on, ask for change, and be willing to meet halfway or even two-thirds. 
• Take a break
• Sometimes you need a vacation. Time to recharge your batteries. Take it! If you are frustrated and upset, now is the time.
• Ask yourself some questions
• Is this the right job for you? What makes this place difficult for you? Why do you stay? Are you contributing to your own frustrations? What would your ideal job look like? Does that job exist? Being honest with yourself and asking hard questions will hopefully bring about some resolve to the situation.
• Do not take your anger and frustration home
• If you are married, have a family, have roommates, trust me they know when you have had a bad day. They know when work is bad, your boss yelled at you, etc. But you do not have to treat them like they are part of the problem. They care about you and only want the best. We need to learn to share our hurts, problems, and issues without getting on them for what happened at work. 
• Look to how Jesus handled conflict
• Jesus spoke into the situations calmly, with authority, and with respect. If things got heated (like when they tried to kill Him), He moved on. When people were obnoxious (disciples and Pharisees), He spoke to them in a way to teach them and make them better. Maybe Jesus knew a thing or two about leadership?
• Write a verbatim
• Most of you probably have no idea what this is, which is fine, I didn't either until a year or so ago. A verbatim is a paper that you write about a conflict you are in. You write down everything that happened verbatim in a script form (Nick: blah blah, Tom: blab blab, etc.). Then you ask probing questions afterward and answer them. What could I have done differently, how did this make me feel, what did I do to contribute to the situation, how did I help the other person, what were all potential outcomes of the situation, how did I respond, how did the other people respond, what could I have done better, how can I fix the situation?

I am no workplace specialist. I do not claim to have all the answers. My desire is that this offers you some hope and encouragement.

29 going on 30

Wow! I cannot believe I am going to be 30 this Friday. It is crazy to think that I am already done with 29 years, and entering into the middle portion of my life. I know for many of you reading this you may say "Nick, you aren't that old" or "you have the best years ahead of you," but for some reason I can't help but reflect on what has occurred in my life these past years. So I wanted to share just some momentous years from this past decade with you. So sit back and check out some of the high points in the last ten years!

• I enrolled at Moody Bible Institute in 2006.
• I graduated college in 2009.
• I began a temporary career in security in 2009 that resulted in learning some pretty cool stuff and meeting some incredible people.
• I bought my first new car in 2011. Wrecked it, and bought another.
• I began working as a senior pastor at a church in New Egypt, New Jersey in 2011.
• I got my own place for the first time ever in 2011. It wasn't the prettiest but I struck out on my own!
• Elise and I began dating in 2012.
• I moved to Iowa in 2012.
• Elise and I became engaged in 2012 at Wrigley Field in Chicago.
• Elise and I got married on July 13, 2013!!!
• Elise and I took our first trip together outside of the country to Jamaica in 2013.
• I accepted a position at Parkview Church in Iowa City working with their Student Ministry Program.
• Elise and I relocated to Iowa City in 2013.
• I helped to orchestrate the biggest high school outreach for Parkview that is now entering its third year.
• I took my first missions trip since college to Belize in 2014.
• Elise and I celebrated our one year anniversary.
• Elise and I began sponsoring our Compassion Child, Subhashree, in 2015.
• Elise and I went on vacation to Mackinaw.
• Elise and I celebrated two years of marriag.
• I began my pursuing a dream of obtaining my Masters in Biblical Counseling with a Youth and Family emphasis.
• I started formulating the outline for a book proposal on holistic counseling for those who have walked through abuse, the abuser, and their families.

Call it a bit of nostalgia or reminiscing or Facebook flooding me with memories or whatever, but these past ten years have been pretty good to me, and because of that I think I do not want to let go. I think that is the way many of us lead our lives. We stay focused on the past. Things worked this way in the past so we must continue to do them this way, even if a newer way may be more effective. We had our best years behind us, and fear the future. We are getting older and weaker and our bodies don't work like they used to. As I sat here reflecting on my past, as amazing as it was, I realized that this mentality was rooted in something: fear. Fear of the future. Fear of aging. Fear of becoming irrelevant. Fear of the end. Fear of not meeting goals. Fear of failing. You name it, fear has become the master of our lives. But why is that? Why is this rooted there?

Have you ever noticed fear being used in the Bible? Have you also noticed that it is usually used within the context of "fear not"? God knows that we as humans fear. We fear disease, famine, wars, ISIS, terrorism, cancer, death, the afterlife, school, tests, tomorrow, interactions, loss, being told no, our mirror, our true selves. But the crazy thing is that in the midst of all this fear God tells us to fear not.

Fear not. It is a funny phrase. Fear not. Literally do not fear. But why shouldn't we fear? Isaiah 41:10 says this: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. We don't have to fear because the Alpha and Omega, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, I am, Jehovah, the Creator, the Everlasting God will always protect us and see us through things.

Thirty is a new milestone for me. It symbolizes the unknown, a new road to follow, getting older and hopefully wiser, more life changes. In the midst of it all I am vowing to FEAR NOT! And because of that I decided to make a list, not a bucket list, but a list of things that in faith I believe God will accomplish in this next decade of my life. So here ya go:

• Elise and I will celebrate ten years of being married and many more after that!
• I will graduate with my masters.
• I will begin actually writing and potentially publishing one of my books.
• I will continue to allow God to use me as a minister for His kingdom.
• Elise and I will see God grow our family.
• Elise and I will get a dog.
• I will pay off my debt.
• Elise and I can sponsor more Compassion Children.
• Elise and I will travel more.
• The ministry I serve in will grow and impact people with the Gospel.
• I will grow in my knowledge of God.
• I will grow in my knowledge of counseling.
• I will help family members come to know Jesus.

So here is to turning thirty! Not just another year older. Not just more gray hairs. Not feeling aged. But trusting God to continue to work in my life and use me as His hands and feet to bring this world to know the saving power of grace. 

A new type of politics

Change! Hope! I want to be that champion! Heal! Inspire! New Possibilities! New! Defeat! Higher Ground! No these are not posts for an inspiration cat poster that should adorn someone's office wall, but rather slogans, or snippets of slogans, that are being thrown around in our current political climate.

In case you haven't seen or heard, it is an election year and as such the perpetual mudslinging, political ads, and flyers are being relentlessly pushed into our faces. Surf the internet and the ads that target you are political. Open your mailbox and there are the candidates' faces plastered across endless postcards. Turn on the tv and watch the ads that support candidates and ones that tear apart all the others. The radio airs one political parties' advertisement and then immediately after the opponents. When does it end? Maybe I am just sensitive to this now that I live in a state that hosts a Caucasus and political candidates flock to. But when is enough, enough?

Now please hear me out. I love politics. I truly do. I believe every citizen has an inherent duty to vote in elections as this is how our country functions. It is how laws are passed as the candidates we support help to push laws forward. It is how we demonstrate our moral fortitude and resolve. I even love debating about politics. I may not be good at it, I don't always have the answers, and I know not everyone agrees with me, but I enjoy talking about it.

What I hate is how this time of year dictates almost everything that happens. We are fed constant spoonfuls of hate, name calling, mudslinging, and trivial backbiting, and that is only among the political candidates in the party we support. We are only in the primaries. But even more I hate what it does to the common people. To all of us.

Grab a handful of people and put them in a room. Challenge them to talk politics and their candidates without getting angry, walking out, or breaking into fisticuffs. It probably won't happen. Or better yet, scroll through your Facebook newsfeed and attempt to do so without becoming frustrated by the hundreds of political posts you see. This time of year turns people against each other and that's a problem.

I have seen families refuse to have conversations, friendships fractured, churches refrain from talking about anything dealing with politics, and countless people hurt from this time of year. Maybe instead of allowing our support of politicians to change us into someone who no one else wants to deal with, we should instead look to bring Jesus into the conversation? Instead of getting angry maybe we should look back on one of the best "campaign slogans" ever produced: WWJD. Instead of criticizing other candidates or those who support them maybe productive and calm dialogue would be better.

Oh and perhaps I should take this time to point out that Jesus wasn't a Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative, Socialist, Libertarian, or whatever else! Jesus didn't allow politics to sway Him. He didn't align with a political party. In fact Jesus brought people into His team of 12 whose politics were drastically different! He brought a Zealot who wanted to overthrow Rome. He had a tax-collector who worked for the Romans and robbed the poor. He had a poor fisherman who was part of the working class. He brought in people with religious backgrounds that were opposed to one another. You tell me what political party Jesus fell into? You can't!

One of the few times we see Jesus reference politics is when He tells those around Him to "render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's and to God the things that are God's." Jesus was responding to a political question that was an attempt to trap Him so He could be arrested, but He did something radical within the moment, as only Jesus truly can. He flipped the coin on it's head and challenged common thinking by saying honor your government by obeying them (paying taxes) but also honor God by giving Him what is His (your life and everything you have). This may seem a little odd because if we give our government something how then can we give everything to God? The answer is that by obeying God's command and doing what He tells us, we are giving God everything! We have obeyed Him and as such have given Him our lives!

So what does this have to do with the political climate today? I simply want to challenge you to think about a few things:

1. Who are you voting for and why?
2. Does your candidate align with what Scripture is saying? 
• Truly no one will ever perfectly align with God's Word because we are all broken and sinful, but have we chosen the best fit?
3. Are you treating others (yes even those in the party that you cannot stand) the way Jesus would?
4. Realize that our state, our country, our world will never truly know peace, love, and mercy until the Lord Himself returns and establishes it. Our words, actions, Facebook posts, memes, and whatever else we come up with will not change this world. God and God alone will change this world. The question is are you ready and willing to accept that?

To all my politically active friends: I love you. Know I hear your heart and passion for this, and I know that you fight so hard for this because you believe it to be right. But look to Christ's example and see if you align with it. Are you doing this in love? I know I haven't been. Will you join me in pursuing this part of our year in a manner that Jesus would? Will you maybe pause from declaring your candidate's prowess, your party's smarts, and your political knowledge and instead get on your knees and ask God to allow for us to be His disciples in this world? Maybe, just maybe, what we need is less politics and more Christ. 

Just some thoughts from someone who may or may not be a part of a political party, who supports a particular candidate, but is someone who loves Jesus and will do all he can to spread God's love this and every season of his life. 

A life worth living: A look at how Christians do and should respond to others

Well it has been a while since I have last written, and for those of you who actually read this please accept my apologies. Life has been increasingly busy and hasn't allotted much time for me to actually sit down and write. With that being said, it doesn't mean I haven't had thoughts and topics come to mind that I want to write about, in fact it is the contrary that is true. I have been overwhelmed with topics and ideas, and if you were to look at my phone you would find multiple notes that are the beginnings of many posts that have not come to fruition. So I have decided to tackle a topic that may be off-putting to some but please read through the entire post and then respond to it. I mean why wouldn't I tackle a controversial topic after not having written in months?

Over the past few months, I have been really convicted about how we (yes I am including myself here) as Christians respond to and with contemporary culture. I have been blown away by some of the recent articles put out by "Christians" lambasting Kylie Jenner and claiming she is a dismal excuse for young ladies to follow while the same article glories Sadie Robertson for her lofty moralism and beautiful standards on being a perfectly modest Christian woman. Or what about how Christians have taken to mocking Bruce Jenner over his transitioning from a man to a woman? How about how Christians have become so opposed to homosexual marriage (read some of the comments)? How about how Christians openly attack other Christians like Josh Duggar when a sin has been committed (and no I am not excusing what he did, but calling us to look at our responses)? Oh and take a look at what people are saying on his siblings social feeds and how they have attacked them for his actions. Or better yet how about how Christians openly decry anything they feel harms their integrity and beliefs? Did Paul not tell us to prepare for persecution? Didn't Jesus say it will come? But his response was never to vilify those who do the persecuting but rather the pray for them and bless them! How have we come to this? Why has this mentality taken hold of us?

What this comes down to is that we as Christians are so judgmental that we have now become idolaters of those we hold to be "holier than thou". Where did we go wrong? Is it only a few bloggers who write viral sensations that become instant hits and a rallying cry for Christians? Is it only the few Christians that have become the vocal voice for our faith? And the answer is a resounding no! We are all guilty of this. We as Christians who decry the holier than thou mentality, the Christians who praise a God of grace and forgiveness, we as Christians who believe no sin to be too great for the love of God, we as Christians who stand condemned just as everyone else in this world but are justified by grace alone, we are the ones who have taken a moralistic stance that idolizes"great" people and bestows on them some sort of odd hero worship, but in the same breath demonize those who stand contrary to them.

Please understand that I use the pluralistic form here because I myself am just as guilty if not the greatest idolater among us. I have openly mocked different celebrities, I have placed great men of God on pedestals and revered their teachings but not God's Word, I have judged others before they could even utter a word, I have placed myself in a better light than I deserve, all because I believe I know better. All because I am a Christian. I use my salvation as a crutch, instead of living out the lifestyle Christ has called me to! I have laid down my cross and instead picked up an effigy of judgmental and critical theology because I have become just like the Pharisees of the Old and New Testaments.

How dare we do that? How dare we hold the world to the standards we hold ourselves to? How dare we judge when we are deserving of the same judgment the world itself is? Have we forgotten the wretches that we are? Have we forgotten how far God has brought us? Have we become blinded to the fact that without the shed blood of Jesus Christ we would be hell-bound ourselves and deserving of the same death that Adam bestowed upon us?

We as Christians have done our faith, our God, a disservice. Please hear me out: I am not lambasting Sadie, I am not saying don't be modest, and I am not saying to be of the world. I am saying we as Christians should be worshiping the Creator not the created. We shouldn't idolize a young woman because she is following Jesus. Rather we should also be following Jesus in a similar manner and giving Him the praise, the glory, the honor, the worship, and the respect He and He alone is due.

I know this is a harsh critique and many would run and say "we are not worshiping Sadie nor are we hurtful in how we critique" but the truth is we are! Every time we decide to take up a "cross" to preserve our religion we end up hurting others, ostracizing the world, and turning people off to the bride of Christ. I am not saying that we should let go of our theology, our doctrine, our beliefs, because what would we be then? I am saying that we as Christians need to do a better job at loving others. We need to do a better job at encouraging and uplifting people. Imagine if instead of throwing hurtful critiques around about celebrities we instead prayed for them and sent them letters expressing how beautiful they are, and how God loves them? Imagine for a moment that instead of saying, "I won't bake you a cake because I don't support gay marriage," we instead said, "I am going to bake this cake for you and pray that you come to know who Jesus is and that you experience His radical love for you." Imagine if you would a world where Christians didn't judge others based on their political parties, their lifestyles, their manner of dress, or their sins, but instead loved and served the world just a Jesus Christ did. What would happen? Maybe, just maybe we would see revival. Maybe, just maybe God's name would no longer be a profane term but instead be honored. Maybe, just maybe the church would once again become a safe place, a place of love and refuge and restoration.

We as Christians need to be very mindful of what we say, how we act, and how we treat others. Any time we glorify or vilify others it reflects on who we serve and claim to follow. Imagine how our critical thoughts, actions, comments, writings, and responses reflect Jesus, and maybe look to change that. I am not saying we need to excuse the sins and hurtful actions of others, but we are called to love, forgive, and let God be the judge. We cannot look at someone and dictate what is in their heart because we are not God and all of us are still works in progress. Christ works in peoples' lives in radical and supernatural ways and people can decide to follow Jesus on their death bed like the thief on the cross, or by an amazing encounter with God like Paul had on the road to Damascus. We as Christ followers need to be living, leading, and declaring Christ in all aspects of our lives. My hope and prayer is that we can be better imitators of Christ by growing in Him and maturing in our walks daily by seeking to be like Him.

What if?

I have been thinking a lot lately about a lot of things. And as this blog has become a platform for my musings, please allow me the opportunity to put some questions out there that are meant to spur reflection, inward thinking, outward reaction, open and honest dialogue, and hopefully change. Please know that the following does not represent anyone or any church in particular, but is a broad grasp at a bigger issue facing the church in North America today. Understand that this is not some rant against Christians or churches or denominations, but simply meant to cause us as believers in Jesus to rethink what we are doing, and then ask ourselves are we being effective for the Kingdom of Christ and are we representing Jesus in a manner He would be proud of?

What if.....

We got rid of denominations?
Now bear with me for a moment. I know many of us, although we won't say it out loud, will live and die by our denominational dogmas and orthodoxy, our church's potato salad, and the worship style we have. But is it truly worth it? What would happen if churches began to remove whatever rifts cause them to become an island or a cluster of islands within a denomination and instead began to passionately pursue bringing Jesus into their towns, cities, states, and countries by having a united front? Is that too much to ask? Is it that too hard for us to lay aside differences on theology or dogma to embrace growing the kingdom? What is the worst that could happen if churches united to spread God's Word? Revival? I am not asking us to neglect doctrine or the core tenants of our faith, but instead to admit and understand that there will be differences and as long as those do not contradict the Bible, why can't we lay them aside for the greater mission: growing the kingdom of God?

We embraced sinners?
What if instead of turning up our noses to gay marriage and cringing when a man introduces us to his husband, we instead welcome them into the church just as they are? I know I took on another inflammatory issue within the midst of this statement, but it proves my point! We as Christians have done a stellar job at ostracizing different communities since the foundation of the church. Be it the Greeks in the New Testament, the Muslims during the Crusades, the doctors who performed abortions and the women who received them during the 90's, or the LGBT lifestyle that has become part of our current culture, the church has done a great job at pushing people away. Is that what we want to be known for? Do we want to be known as body of the Christ that loves and ministers to sinners like Jesus did, or do we simply want to become the Pharisaical church that people walk away from? What if we welcomed those who are struggling? What if we loved sinners instead of judging them? What if like Jesus did we hung out with the sinners and tax collectors? Would that be such a bad thing?

What if churches became a safe haven again?
There I go asking a question that immediately riles peoples' feathers. I am right there with you. I immediately want to cry foul on this and proclaim that my church, yes I attach undue ownership to what is rightly God's, is a safe haven for all people! Broken or otherwise, come as you are, love the sinner hate the sin. But let's be honest here...churches as whole suck at this! We ostracize people, we gossip, we break trust, we form cliques, we become elitists. Many of you would say "Now Nick the church is made up of broken people, and we are all still sinners. No church is perfect" but I would reply "Why not?! Why aren't we striving for perfection? Why do we throw up that answer as if it excuses us from loving the way Jesus loved?" Churches were meant to be a place where people could gather free of shame and guilt, free from the gossip and drama that plagued their lives, and free to come as they are before their loving Father who gave His Son so we could shed this sinful shell we call a body! But what if we became a place that the widows, the poor, the fatherless, the childless, the broken, the convicts, the outcasts, the "bigger" sinners could come and be cared for? What if the church again became a church where everyone gave of themselves so all could be loved and cared for? What if people no longer had to fear being pointed at or talked about during or after a service or counseling session? Maybe the church would grow...maybe people would see Christ and Christians differently. Maybe, just maybe, revival would once again take this land!

What if? Just what if? What if the church in America began to change? Would it be all that bad? Are we so stuck in our ways that we have forgotten our true calling as the Bride of Christ? Are we so caught up in making rules and guidelines and calling out others, that we have become spiritually blind to the greater issue at hand just like the Pharisees of old?

Like I said, I know that this is a post that will rile some of us up. I know it can be cringe worthy, but my hope in this is to help us as believers think through how we are ministering to others, and how we can better serve our Lord and Savior. So I ask you...

What if?

A life verse and an honest confession

So recently I have been really challenged by a verse in the Bible, and when I share it some of you may laugh and say "yeah, you totally need to embrace it." And I would agree, but hopefully you will keep reading and allow for me to explain why.

Each year I have been trying to find a word, verse, chapter, or passage in Scripture that I can make my "life verse" for that year, and my life in general. It has been a while since I have talked about this, because well, duh, I haven't written in a long time. But this verse has been something I have wanted to talk about for a long time! So here goes...my verse this year is James 1:19-20 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of man."

So let me hit the obvious first. I like talking...A LOT! There have been times that certain people in my life gave a look, a smack, or just told me to stop talking because I tend to take over conversations. And most of you reading this know that about me. It isn't like I am espousing some awesome new truth about the life of Nick. I like to talk, which is probably one of the reasons I am in the profession I am now.

But this verse has more to do with my life than just telling me to shut it, and if you will bear with me for a short (hopefully short) while I will try to explain it.

I have noticed this past year that in many situations I have controlled a conversation I shouldn't have. I have talked way more than I should have and didn't listen nearly as much as I needed to. If I have done that to you, please accept my sincere apologies. It is never my intent to do that and I know that I have probably alienated some of you by doing so. I never look to take the spotlight or to be the focal point, but I know it sure seems that way.

This verse has been jumping out to me like a slap to the face since November of this past year, and I only began to listen around Christmas time (another character flaw...I am super stubborn!). And when I began to listen I realized that yeah, I talk a lot but I also don't listen. If you have ever been in a conversation with me you may have noticed that when someone else speaks I tend to finish their sentences, or immediately jump in when they pause to breathe, or I just start talking over them.

Realizing this has been hard on me. I have realized that I have made others feel like what they have to say doesn't matter, I have seemed prideful, and I have pushed people away because I don't listen. Again, I am sorry for this and that is not who I am nor who I want to be perceived as.

This verse has challenged me to not only be slow to speak but also quick to listen. I love to fix problems! Most guys do, and because of that we, I, often offer up solutions without truly hearing what the other person is saying. So I am striving to make that my goal this year. Not to stop being a fixer or problem solver, but instead to listen, to process, and respond in kind. For me that means pausing before speaking, truly listening to others, and processing what to say in response to what was said.

Hopefully you will begin to see a difference in how I respond when we talk. Know that this is a process for me and I am learning through this. Please help keep me accountable and be willing to grab me by my face to make me listen if necessary (just not too hard, I am pretty fragile), and be praying for me. God is teaching me a lot and I have been really challenged by this. My prayer is two-fold in this. One that God helps to make me a better Christ follower and leader, and two that others may see Christ in me and have a desire to grow to be more like Him as well. I want to be man of God who is seen as righteous not because of anything I do, say, or think but because I am following the Word of God and living by it.

So there it is. An open and honest look into my life and how God is stretching me. Thanks for taking time to read this.

Proactive ways to enhance your marriage before (and after) you say “I Do”

So I am married now! I know right?! I am thrilled to be a husband and to have a wife to go home to every day. It is a dream come true for me. I married my best friend and I couldn’t be happier.

Because of getting married, it has taken me a little while to get back to blogging as with the whirlwind of wedding planning, the wedding and honeymoon themselves, with moving Elise from her old place to our new home, and looking into ministry opportunities time has been anything but present or available.

But even with all the busyness, craziness, and stress nothing could damper married life. I love being married to my wife. In fact, I just like saying “my wife” because it comes naturally for me. I know for some of you reading this you will hasten to say “Be careful it is the honeymoon period” or “Just wait until you can’t hang out with the boys” or “Wait until dinner isn’t ready”. But in reality I don’t think Elise and I have a “honeymoon period” nor will we be looking to jump on to any one issue to damper our relationship.

Sure I know hard times will come, disagreements will abound, stress will arise, and hardships will show their faces but that doesn’t mean I have to love being married any less. Elise and I know that marriage takes work and that we have growing to do, but I also know that we have entered into the covenant prepared. What I would like to communicate to you are some proactive steps to take before marriage to help prepare you to deal with problems that could, and most likely will, arise during your marriage.

1.       Open and honest communication

a.       Communication in any relationship is vital to its success. If you cannot talk to one another, than simple issues become problems, problems become grudges, grudges lead to hurt, hurt leads to unsolved heartbreak, and heartbreak leads to unresolved issues that fracture a relationship. Communication is hard for me personally as I tend to internalize and attempt to deal with all my problems on my own. But this leads to stress, emotional distress, and more gray hairs than I care to mention. This step will take some concessions from both people as you must learn to be open and honest about what is going on in your life, which also means being willing to go on to step two. For those preparing to go into marriage seek out meaningful conversation, ask open-ended questions, and look to know your future spouse better than anyone else.

2.       Be willing to accept fault and apologize

a.       When you are being open and honest there will come times when you will need to admit you messed up and apologize for what you have done. This takes a great amount of humility and self-awareness on the part of the one admitting wrong, but the one to whom it is being conveyed should also exercise step three.  Admitting wrong and seeking forgiveness and grace will always point us towards our heavenly Father. When we begin to see how He bestows grace on those who confess we understand just how pivotal it is for us to follow suit.

3.       Always forgive

a.       When your spouse, or soon to be spouse, comes to reconcile and ask forgiveness, do not hold out on granting that to them. Forgiveness is essential in a marriage. If you harbor pain, hurts, anger, and resentment you will not only become embittered, you will always assume the worst, seek to hurt your spouse, and always be looking for excuses and a way out. This is not how a marriage should look. Again, we are to remember Christ’s example to us, in how He loved us in spite of our short comings and always forgave even when it was underserved.

4.       Engage in premarital (and possibly other) counseling

a.       This is something that to most Christians seems like a no-brainer as it has become almost the norm for any Christian couple to have some sort of premarital counseling. But most Christians also have a preconceived notion that it will be just a “ho-hum” sort of thing, where it will be rife with awkward conversations, outdated material, and little if any help to an actual marriage. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Going to a counselor is one the best things you can do as a couple because it forces you to think through issues you may not have as a couple, you see your differences and learn to work with them, you see the ways you are strong and weak as a couple, and you learn how to love better. Going to see a counselor doesn’t mean you are weak or that you have problems, but it does help you to stop problems from occurring, and grow in your love for one another.

5.       Be a servant

a.       This I cannot emphasize enough. Marriage is not about you. Marriage is not about one person or the other. It is about two becoming one and each working to serve the other in order to benefit each other. This is hard to do, and if you enter a marriage believing you can begin to model it only after you say “I do” you are horribly mistaken. This needs to start taking place before you even begin to think about marriage. I keep coming back to the model Christ set forth (because it is the only model we need) and Christ modeled being a servant throughout His entire ministry and as such we need to model this to our spouses. Learn self-sacrificing love that seeks to build each other up (see step six), strive to serve through all aspects of your life, and never use being a servant as a manipulative tool.

6.       Don’t look to criticize, look to empower

a.       When you are in a relationship you should never look to criticize your significant other or put them down. Our society says otherwise. If you watch television, go to the movies, or witness relationships that are self-seeking and not about serving, you can see clearly how both partners put each other down. This is not love, this is not the cornerstone for a relationship, and in fact this will destroy any relationship you have. We should not look to break down one another but instead we should look to encourage and build up our spouses. They are set apart for us by God and should be treated as the very gift they are to us.

7.       Seek to put aside love of self

a.       Marriage is interesting because you learn more about yourself by putting yourself aside. That isn’t to say you don’t care about yourself or your needs, but rather you put someone else’s needs before your own. This is a tough nut to chew because truly loving someone means putting their needs and desires ahead of your own, understanding it isn’t always about you, and realizing that love and marriage takes work.

8.       Put God as the center

a.       If you truly want your marriage to be one that grows and is a blessing to both people, than God must be the center. I can tell you that sharing the same faith and love for God that my wife does, has made my marriage a thousand times better. To see her passion and love for God as we serve in our church, as we pray, as we read the Bible, it makes me love her all the more. God is the reason we are together, the reason we click, the reason we always will be together, our Rock in hard times, and the cornerstone of our marriage. He will get us, and you, through the hard times, be there during the good times, and never will He abandon you.

9.       Seek to marry your best friend

a.       I know that sometimes people aren’t looking to get married and that person appears seemingly at random, but that shouldn’t stop you from seeking to know that person as best you can. I have been blessed to marry my very best friend. Elise and I have known each other for over seven years now, and because of that we know so much about each other. Sure there is always more to learn, like what type of laundry detergent someone likes, but that comes with time. My point is that even on those rough days where you are in a disagreement with your spouse, you realize it is your best friend and the love of your life and know that together you can make it through anything. In short, don’t settle for marrying someone other than your best friend, someone other than the one person who you cannot live without.

10.   Pray and read the Bible together

a.       This is listed at number ten, but in no way should this be the last thing you think about when it comes to your relationship. Reading the Bible and praying together develops an intimacy that few people realize. When two people read the Bible, a book that has dramatically changed their lives, and pray with each other their emotions, brokenness, and vulnerability. This is when intimacy based in Christ begins to develop in the relationship and it only culminates when eternity with Christ begins.

I know this has been a long post, and I know it is a post that some may write off due to the fact that I have been married for less than two months. But let me assure you that these are areas that will truly help you before, during, and after your marriage.

So in short: Learn self-sacrificing love, that seeks to build each other up, live to love each other through service, know that little things matter (sometimes more than the big ones), always say I love you, spend time together, seek to grow in your relationship with God together, and always put Him at the center of your marriage.

Will you Take the Plunge? Trust is a two way street.

What do youth want? It is a question that many of us have asked ourselves over the years. Based upon how confused my parents were by having five children go through their teens relatively close together, most parents have no idea what teens want. Most teachers don't know, and we see this in their sometimes comical attempt to relate to students. I had a teacher try to rap one time to a bunch of suburban kids in an affluent area in New Jersey while he wore Birkenstock, AE Jeans, and a Ralph Lauren polo. I have seen churches try to relate to students by holding "teen nights" that usually include loud music, junk food, a speaker hyped up on caffeine and Monsters, and a bonfire. But if you were to take a poll of the students in attendance and asked them if their needs were met, most of them would say no.

Now let me say one thing. This is not true in all cases. Some parents, teachers, and churches do an absolutely wonderful job relating to their students. And to those of you who do, I commend you! You are seeing, hearing, and meeting the call to reach our youth. But this post isn't about them, it is about the others who don't, and most notably churches.

You see in working with students I have had the unique opportunity to engage with them. And if there is one thing you should know about students, it is this: They don't trust easily. Students in today's society have learned to be guarded, reserved, closed, and withdrawn from anyone seen as an authority figure. They do not trust those who are older than they are because that trust has been broken too many times to count and they do not want to be hurt again.

Youth today need for us as their leaders and mentors to be trustworthy. This is the first thing we need to realize as youth leaders. Students see this so clearly in everything we do and say. If we say we are going to do something, be somewhere, take them out, show up at their school, or any promise we make we had better stick by it! Students today have been so lied to, strung along, hurt, and misdirected that they are just waiting for us to break our promises or for our word to not be good enough.

Think about this for a moment. Were you ever lied to as a student? Did someone tell you they would be there for you and they weren't? Did you ever feel like someone let you down? The answer is yes! We all have. But the truth of the matter is that over time this didn't get any better, and in fact it has gotten worse. When we were younger we could rebound off of a let down or being lied to, but students today have come to accept this as the norm! No longer does our word mean anything. No longer does telling someone you are there for them hold any salt. No longer do students trust us! We need to earn their trust by showing them we are invested in their lives, their futures, and in them personally and spiritually.

As believers we are told to stick by our word! Matthew 5 points this out very clearly for us. We are told to let our answers be honest and true. We are told that our whole relationship with Christ is based upon trust and faith. And if we cannot model this to our students then why on earth should they listen to what we have to say?

Trust will change our students' lives! Could you imagine what would happen to just one student if someone kept their word 100% of the time with them? Could you see them beginning to trust that person? Can you see the relationship that would be built? In order for us to reach them with the Gospel we first need to establish that we can be trusted. If we are not being honest and truthful, then why should they trust and believe what we have to say? There is no reason for belief if they cannot trust those who teaching.

We as leaders have a high calling to lead younger generations towards the saving grace of Christ. This can only be accomplished by first building a framework that is founded upon trust in the power of the cross!

What I have learned about love by being engaged

Wow, it has been a fairly long time since I last posted. To all of you who actually read this, I apologize for my lack of attentiveness to this blog. But if you know me, then you know I have been extremely busy these past few months. Wedding planning can take up a lot of time, but I have enjoyed every minute of it. And through it all I have begun to realize something. Something has been made so crystal clear to me, like it never was before.

I have realized how incredibly in love I am with Elise. Now please don't write this post off as a lovey-dovey post, because although I do intend to be open about my feelings for Elise, I am going to dig deeper into what love is as portrayed by the Biblical model set forth for us. But you see I only began to completely understand this love, the love a husband has for his wife, as I have begun to spend so much time with Elise.

I never used to love others that much. In fact I would go so far as to say I was pretty self-centered. Sure I loved my family, maybe even some of my friends, but I was always number one. My priorities, my needs, my wants, my desires were always to be met first because I was the most important person in my life. Of course I loved God and put Him first, but I believe my love for Him has grown exponentially through this life changing journey I am on with Elise.

It all started when Elise and I began dating last year. For the first time in my life I began to put someone before myself. It was such a struggle, because my needs weren't first anymore for me. I cared about her. I sought to make her feel loved and special. I went out of my way to spoil her and make her feel like a princess. No longer was it "What does Nick want for dinner?", it was now "What does Elise want for dinner and how can I make it special?". You see I finally was understanding what true love is.

Love isn't about loving yourself. Love isn't about meeting your needs. Love isn't about how you feel. Love is sacrificial. Love is understanding. Love is being a servant. Love is being a leader. Love is loving someone else in a way that you would lay your life down for them. Love is so much more than a feeling or a desire, or the corrupted versions we see in film, television, and in novels. Love is rooted deeply in our Father God who modeled this for us in so many ways. The purpose of this blog post, as I said earlier, is to demonstrate the love God has for us and then looks at how we are to implement that love in our lives in practical and real ways.

The very best place to start looking at love in the Bible is at the beginning...the very beginning. If you look through the first three chapters of Genesis you will see a love unlike any other. God created a place for us as humans to live, grow, worship, commune together and with Him, experience life, emotions, and freedom all under this banner of love He has for us. God gave mankind everything they needed because He loved them and wanted someone to share this love with. We neither had nor deserved the life He gave us, but freely He gave it anyway.

Then what did mankind go and do, but mess everything up. We had it all, and we threw it in God's face in a moment, because we are selfish and our love was for ourselves. But God didn't turn His back on us. Instead He did something we all struggle to do when we are hurt and maligned. God forgave us, put a sacrifice in our place, clothed us, offered us redemption, and still loved us all the more. This is a love that is undeserving, its a love we didn't earn, it is a love we could never purchase or offer anything for it, and yet God freely gave it to us.

Our first lesson on what love is, is this: Love, that is love modeled by God Himself, is free, forgiving, and full. God first gave His love freely. God didn't have to make man, He didn't need to provide a place for Him to live, He didn't have to make a provision when man sinned, and He didn't need to give us anything. And yet that is exactly what He did. God gave His love to us free of charge and didn't ask for anything, except for our love in return. Next God's love is forgiving. Mankind slapped God in the face. Not only did they break His one commandment, they then ran and hid in an attempt to not be caught, then they lied about it. God had every right to condemn them and to rid the world of this despicable race that had now broken His heart, but instead God grieved and loved them more than they deserved. God offered them redemption and forgiveness. They didn't deserve it, they couldn't earn, they had no right to it, but God still offered it. Lastly we see how full God's love is. God doesn't just love us if we follow His rules. He doesn't only love us if we are perfect. He loves us no matter who we are. God created us to love us. God doesn't want any of us to perish but all of us to come to a saving knowledge of Him because He wants us to share in that love with Him.

Let us look at another passage or rather passages within the Gospel of Matthew. This is a love story about Christ coming into a world that was opposed to Him and embracing everyone He encountered, and then calling on them to turn from their sin and come to Him. The first thing we can see about love is that Christ met people where they were at and brought them to repentance. He met the lepers, outcasts, and those that people considered scum (granted this is from John, but it serves the point). Christ's love wasn't based upon who you were, it was based upon how you needed Him. Christ came with open arms, and an open heart. All we need to do is accept Him. You want a lesson in love, Christ is the teacher for it. Christ comes offering love to those who don't deserve it, and He was unbiased about who received it, as long as they accepted Him.

The last area of love I will touch on is this. Love is self-sacrificing. Christ didn't come here demanding we love Him. In fact when all He offered was love and salvation those He offered it to turned on Him and murdered Him. And yet Christ still sought them out. Christ came back and offered a plan of redemption and grace that characterizes the love we are to have for one another. It is a love that lays itself down, but that does so not seeking recognition, knowing some won't accept it, and knowing that it is the greatest demonstration of love that any could ever know. To lay your life down for someone who doesn't deserve it but that you love just because they are who they are is a true definition of love.

So love is this: free, forgiving, full, unbiased, it is for those who don't deserve it, and it is self-sacrificing. Love in marriage, and any relationship for that matter, should encompass all of these facets of Christ's love. There are many other qualities that I cannot touch on due to length this post would be. But let us see the magnitude and grace that God's love has for us. This is real love. The reasons marriages fail is because God isn't the center of them. Putting God first in your lives in all aspects will help you through those difficult times.

We need to realize that loving others is hard. When it comes to a spouse this can be especially true at some points in your marriage. Things will be said, feelings will be hurt, pride will be wounded. It will happen, but loving someone how Christ loved us means meeting them where they are at and not holding it against them. Show them your love and offer forgiveness. That is love! Show them how you are modeling Christ by offering forgiveness and compassion without lording it over them. Show them humility and grace, without payback. This is love, that He loved us first and we now demonstrate it to others.

I am not perfect. I know I cannot always love how God does because I am not God. I know I will mess up and fail. But my goal is to love like Christ loves me. He is our example, and I will do all I can to follow that. Going into this marriage I am seeking to honor Christ by loving my wife completely. I am no longer selfish, I am no long seeking gain, I am no longer seeking to be right always. Instead I am seeking to be selfless, I am seeking her gain and benefit, and I am seeking to serve and accept my imperfections while exhorting her to become better as well. Marriages are never easy, never perfect, and they take work but if you seek to love like Christ you will make it through.

And yes I do know I am new at this. In fact I am not even married yet, but it is amazing what God shows you when you read His Word and allow it to permeate your life. I also want everyone to realize that these are just a few examples of God's love that I have touched on. There are countless examples of His love for us and we are to model those examples as followers of Christ. I would love for you to share how you see God's love displayed elsewhere and how you implement it in your lives. By seeing, then implementing, and growing from it you will see your love for others and for God grow by leaps and bounds, and I would encourage that for all believers.

All this to say, I love you Elise, and I cannot wait to begin this next journey together as we seek to love God by loving each other as He loves us. I will serve you as Christ serves us, and seek to put you first always in my life.