What if?

I have been thinking a lot lately about a lot of things. And as this blog has become a platform for my musings, please allow me the opportunity to put some questions out there that are meant to spur reflection, inward thinking, outward reaction, open and honest dialogue, and hopefully change. Please know that the following does not represent anyone or any church in particular, but is a broad grasp at a bigger issue facing the church in North America today. Understand that this is not some rant against Christians or churches or denominations, but simply meant to cause us as believers in Jesus to rethink what we are doing, and then ask ourselves are we being effective for the Kingdom of Christ and are we representing Jesus in a manner He would be proud of?

What if.....

We got rid of denominations?
Now bear with me for a moment. I know many of us, although we won't say it out loud, will live and die by our denominational dogmas and orthodoxy, our church's potato salad, and the worship style we have. But is it truly worth it? What would happen if churches began to remove whatever rifts cause them to become an island or a cluster of islands within a denomination and instead began to passionately pursue bringing Jesus into their towns, cities, states, and countries by having a united front? Is that too much to ask? Is it that too hard for us to lay aside differences on theology or dogma to embrace growing the kingdom? What is the worst that could happen if churches united to spread God's Word? Revival? I am not asking us to neglect doctrine or the core tenants of our faith, but instead to admit and understand that there will be differences and as long as those do not contradict the Bible, why can't we lay them aside for the greater mission: growing the kingdom of God?

We embraced sinners?
What if instead of turning up our noses to gay marriage and cringing when a man introduces us to his husband, we instead welcome them into the church just as they are? I know I took on another inflammatory issue within the midst of this statement, but it proves my point! We as Christians have done a stellar job at ostracizing different communities since the foundation of the church. Be it the Greeks in the New Testament, the Muslims during the Crusades, the doctors who performed abortions and the women who received them during the 90's, or the LGBT lifestyle that has become part of our current culture, the church has done a great job at pushing people away. Is that what we want to be known for? Do we want to be known as body of the Christ that loves and ministers to sinners like Jesus did, or do we simply want to become the Pharisaical church that people walk away from? What if we welcomed those who are struggling? What if we loved sinners instead of judging them? What if like Jesus did we hung out with the sinners and tax collectors? Would that be such a bad thing?

What if churches became a safe haven again?
There I go asking a question that immediately riles peoples' feathers. I am right there with you. I immediately want to cry foul on this and proclaim that my church, yes I attach undue ownership to what is rightly God's, is a safe haven for all people! Broken or otherwise, come as you are, love the sinner hate the sin. But let's be honest here...churches as whole suck at this! We ostracize people, we gossip, we break trust, we form cliques, we become elitists. Many of you would say "Now Nick the church is made up of broken people, and we are all still sinners. No church is perfect" but I would reply "Why not?! Why aren't we striving for perfection? Why do we throw up that answer as if it excuses us from loving the way Jesus loved?" Churches were meant to be a place where people could gather free of shame and guilt, free from the gossip and drama that plagued their lives, and free to come as they are before their loving Father who gave His Son so we could shed this sinful shell we call a body! But what if we became a place that the widows, the poor, the fatherless, the childless, the broken, the convicts, the outcasts, the "bigger" sinners could come and be cared for? What if the church again became a church where everyone gave of themselves so all could be loved and cared for? What if people no longer had to fear being pointed at or talked about during or after a service or counseling session? Maybe the church would grow...maybe people would see Christ and Christians differently. Maybe, just maybe, revival would once again take this land!

What if? Just what if? What if the church in America began to change? Would it be all that bad? Are we so stuck in our ways that we have forgotten our true calling as the Bride of Christ? Are we so caught up in making rules and guidelines and calling out others, that we have become spiritually blind to the greater issue at hand just like the Pharisees of old?

Like I said, I know that this is a post that will rile some of us up. I know it can be cringe worthy, but my hope in this is to help us as believers think through how we are ministering to others, and how we can better serve our Lord and Savior. So I ask you...

What if?

A life verse and an honest confession

So recently I have been really challenged by a verse in the Bible, and when I share it some of you may laugh and say "yeah, you totally need to embrace it." And I would agree, but hopefully you will keep reading and allow for me to explain why.

Each year I have been trying to find a word, verse, chapter, or passage in Scripture that I can make my "life verse" for that year, and my life in general. It has been a while since I have talked about this, because well, duh, I haven't written in a long time. But this verse has been something I have wanted to talk about for a long time! So here goes...my verse this year is James 1:19-20 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of man."

So let me hit the obvious first. I like talking...A LOT! There have been times that certain people in my life gave a look, a smack, or just told me to stop talking because I tend to take over conversations. And most of you reading this know that about me. It isn't like I am espousing some awesome new truth about the life of Nick. I like to talk, which is probably one of the reasons I am in the profession I am now.

But this verse has more to do with my life than just telling me to shut it, and if you will bear with me for a short (hopefully short) while I will try to explain it.

I have noticed this past year that in many situations I have controlled a conversation I shouldn't have. I have talked way more than I should have and didn't listen nearly as much as I needed to. If I have done that to you, please accept my sincere apologies. It is never my intent to do that and I know that I have probably alienated some of you by doing so. I never look to take the spotlight or to be the focal point, but I know it sure seems that way.

This verse has been jumping out to me like a slap to the face since November of this past year, and I only began to listen around Christmas time (another character flaw...I am super stubborn!). And when I began to listen I realized that yeah, I talk a lot but I also don't listen. If you have ever been in a conversation with me you may have noticed that when someone else speaks I tend to finish their sentences, or immediately jump in when they pause to breathe, or I just start talking over them.

Realizing this has been hard on me. I have realized that I have made others feel like what they have to say doesn't matter, I have seemed prideful, and I have pushed people away because I don't listen. Again, I am sorry for this and that is not who I am nor who I want to be perceived as.

This verse has challenged me to not only be slow to speak but also quick to listen. I love to fix problems! Most guys do, and because of that we, I, often offer up solutions without truly hearing what the other person is saying. So I am striving to make that my goal this year. Not to stop being a fixer or problem solver, but instead to listen, to process, and respond in kind. For me that means pausing before speaking, truly listening to others, and processing what to say in response to what was said.

Hopefully you will begin to see a difference in how I respond when we talk. Know that this is a process for me and I am learning through this. Please help keep me accountable and be willing to grab me by my face to make me listen if necessary (just not too hard, I am pretty fragile), and be praying for me. God is teaching me a lot and I have been really challenged by this. My prayer is two-fold in this. One that God helps to make me a better Christ follower and leader, and two that others may see Christ in me and have a desire to grow to be more like Him as well. I want to be man of God who is seen as righteous not because of anything I do, say, or think but because I am following the Word of God and living by it.

So there it is. An open and honest look into my life and how God is stretching me. Thanks for taking time to read this.

Life update and my attempt to get back into blogging

Wow! It sure has been a while hasn't it? It has been more than a year since I last wrote. That isn't because I don't have anything to say or because I lost my love of writing, life just got....well busy. My last post was from shortly after Elise and I said "I do", and then from there life took off for us! It has been a whirlwind to say the least, and I know if you read Elise's blog you have probably been more up to date with our lives. But I figured I would give everyone a glimpse as well to start off my foray back into blogging. Oh and if you are noticing the new design and layout, you can give props to Elise because she redesigned this a little while back and did an amazing job!

So after I wrote my last post, Elise and I were enjoying our new found life of marriage, but I was also looking for a new job. Many of you know my passion is in youth ministry and helping students to see the love, grace, and healing that Christ brings. And because of that I had been looking for youth ministry positions for a while, and God's timing couldn't have been more perfect.

I had a great job that I was super thankful for in Clinton but it was coming to an end and I knew that I would soon be unemployed if I didn't have a new position, but God led Elise and I to Parkview Church in Iowa City. Now neither of us thought we would end up staying in Iowa. I for one was not really sold on the whole Midwest style of living. Coming from the most densely packed state in the country to a river town with not much around was a complete culture shock for a Jersey Boy like me, but Iowa City was different. It was more urban but with a small town feel. The university and hospital was bringing a ton of young people in, and the surrounding area was exploding with people moving in. It seemed like every day something new was being built.

When Elise and I visited we were a little bit skeptical because we had a packed schedule over a weekend visit, and from the moment we arrived we hit the ground running! Dinner, visiting with staff, dessert, grabbing some sleep, breakfast, contract talk, coffee, meeting more staff, lunch, touring downtown, coffee, more meetings....you get the idea it was a lot of meetings and food. And let me tell you...The food is amazing!

Anyway, we wrapped up the weekend with me teaching Sunday morning and then attending a Sunday night Youth Group program and we headed home late Sunday night. The whole way back (in fact the whole weekend) Elise and I couldn't stop talking about the church and how we felt there was something different about this position. A couple weeks later after a lot of prayer, conversation with some awesome Godly people, and talking with one another I formally accepted the position at Parkview and joined a team of two others to form a complete Student Ministries office.

Elise then transitioned to part-time with the newspaper she worked at, and as that was happening I was commuting on the weekends to Parkview to begin working with the team and the students. It was a lot for us as newlyweds to handle, but it seemed that God was giving us the strength to make it through it all. I mean I honestly wouldn't recommend to anyone to get married, switch jobs, and move with a 2-3 month period. It was a little crazy to say the least!

Our first few months in Iowa City there were crazy times. We were settling in, trying to adjust to a new pace of life, dealing with dental issues (root canals), transitioning jobs again for Elise, and just trying to live as a married couple. It was tough at some points but through it all Elise and I grew closer and our marriage continued to get stronger! We made some awesome new friends, adjusted to life in a university town (or small city depending who you ask), settled into our jobs (both now at the church), and began to see why God wants us here!

I am loving the ministry I am in, and Elise has jumped right in to help with the high school youth ministry, and has been a huge asset to what we do here. Now life is settling into a pattern, as much as it can being in ministry. We have some super busy times, but always find time to be together and just enjoy being married.

Here are a few other brief updates on my life:

• Currently our youth team is planning our first concert at Parkview through our Student Ministries office and having The Digital Age come out on March 1st. It promises to be an awesome time and the outreach will be great as the Gospel will be presented. 
• I have applied to and been accepted by Liberty University and plan to pursue my masters in Biblical Counseling with a Youth and Family Emphasis in the Fall of 2015.
• I am beginning to work on two books and hope to eventually finish them. One will be on youth ministry and the different styles of leadership. The second will be semi-autobiographical with a focus on dealing with abuse in a Christian home and how to help all those involved (parents, siblings, the abused, and the abuser) as well as the church's response to it.
• And I am another year older! Bring on the thirties in less than a year.

I hope that those of you who read this are relatively caught up, and hopefully looking forward to my ramblings. If not, just pretend you are so I feel good (haha just kidding). But I do plan to write a bit more now and share some of my thoughts, passions, and understandings of life, Scripture, and a little bit of everything else. God bless all! 

Proactive ways to enhance your marriage before (and after) you say “I Do”

So I am married now! I know right?! I am thrilled to be a husband and to have a wife to go home to every day. It is a dream come true for me. I married my best friend and I couldn’t be happier.

Because of getting married, it has taken me a little while to get back to blogging as with the whirlwind of wedding planning, the wedding and honeymoon themselves, with moving Elise from her old place to our new home, and looking into ministry opportunities time has been anything but present or available.

But even with all the busyness, craziness, and stress nothing could damper married life. I love being married to my wife. In fact, I just like saying “my wife” because it comes naturally for me. I know for some of you reading this you will hasten to say “Be careful it is the honeymoon period” or “Just wait until you can’t hang out with the boys” or “Wait until dinner isn’t ready”. But in reality I don’t think Elise and I have a “honeymoon period” nor will we be looking to jump on to any one issue to damper our relationship.

Sure I know hard times will come, disagreements will abound, stress will arise, and hardships will show their faces but that doesn’t mean I have to love being married any less. Elise and I know that marriage takes work and that we have growing to do, but I also know that we have entered into the covenant prepared. What I would like to communicate to you are some proactive steps to take before marriage to help prepare you to deal with problems that could, and most likely will, arise during your marriage.

1.       Open and honest communication

a.       Communication in any relationship is vital to its success. If you cannot talk to one another, than simple issues become problems, problems become grudges, grudges lead to hurt, hurt leads to unsolved heartbreak, and heartbreak leads to unresolved issues that fracture a relationship. Communication is hard for me personally as I tend to internalize and attempt to deal with all my problems on my own. But this leads to stress, emotional distress, and more gray hairs than I care to mention. This step will take some concessions from both people as you must learn to be open and honest about what is going on in your life, which also means being willing to go on to step two. For those preparing to go into marriage seek out meaningful conversation, ask open-ended questions, and look to know your future spouse better than anyone else.

2.       Be willing to accept fault and apologize

a.       When you are being open and honest there will come times when you will need to admit you messed up and apologize for what you have done. This takes a great amount of humility and self-awareness on the part of the one admitting wrong, but the one to whom it is being conveyed should also exercise step three.  Admitting wrong and seeking forgiveness and grace will always point us towards our heavenly Father. When we begin to see how He bestows grace on those who confess we understand just how pivotal it is for us to follow suit.

3.       Always forgive

a.       When your spouse, or soon to be spouse, comes to reconcile and ask forgiveness, do not hold out on granting that to them. Forgiveness is essential in a marriage. If you harbor pain, hurts, anger, and resentment you will not only become embittered, you will always assume the worst, seek to hurt your spouse, and always be looking for excuses and a way out. This is not how a marriage should look. Again, we are to remember Christ’s example to us, in how He loved us in spite of our short comings and always forgave even when it was underserved.

4.       Engage in premarital (and possibly other) counseling

a.       This is something that to most Christians seems like a no-brainer as it has become almost the norm for any Christian couple to have some sort of premarital counseling. But most Christians also have a preconceived notion that it will be just a “ho-hum” sort of thing, where it will be rife with awkward conversations, outdated material, and little if any help to an actual marriage. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Going to a counselor is one the best things you can do as a couple because it forces you to think through issues you may not have as a couple, you see your differences and learn to work with them, you see the ways you are strong and weak as a couple, and you learn how to love better. Going to see a counselor doesn’t mean you are weak or that you have problems, but it does help you to stop problems from occurring, and grow in your love for one another.

5.       Be a servant

a.       This I cannot emphasize enough. Marriage is not about you. Marriage is not about one person or the other. It is about two becoming one and each working to serve the other in order to benefit each other. This is hard to do, and if you enter a marriage believing you can begin to model it only after you say “I do” you are horribly mistaken. This needs to start taking place before you even begin to think about marriage. I keep coming back to the model Christ set forth (because it is the only model we need) and Christ modeled being a servant throughout His entire ministry and as such we need to model this to our spouses. Learn self-sacrificing love that seeks to build each other up (see step six), strive to serve through all aspects of your life, and never use being a servant as a manipulative tool.

6.       Don’t look to criticize, look to empower

a.       When you are in a relationship you should never look to criticize your significant other or put them down. Our society says otherwise. If you watch television, go to the movies, or witness relationships that are self-seeking and not about serving, you can see clearly how both partners put each other down. This is not love, this is not the cornerstone for a relationship, and in fact this will destroy any relationship you have. We should not look to break down one another but instead we should look to encourage and build up our spouses. They are set apart for us by God and should be treated as the very gift they are to us.

7.       Seek to put aside love of self

a.       Marriage is interesting because you learn more about yourself by putting yourself aside. That isn’t to say you don’t care about yourself or your needs, but rather you put someone else’s needs before your own. This is a tough nut to chew because truly loving someone means putting their needs and desires ahead of your own, understanding it isn’t always about you, and realizing that love and marriage takes work.

8.       Put God as the center

a.       If you truly want your marriage to be one that grows and is a blessing to both people, than God must be the center. I can tell you that sharing the same faith and love for God that my wife does, has made my marriage a thousand times better. To see her passion and love for God as we serve in our church, as we pray, as we read the Bible, it makes me love her all the more. God is the reason we are together, the reason we click, the reason we always will be together, our Rock in hard times, and the cornerstone of our marriage. He will get us, and you, through the hard times, be there during the good times, and never will He abandon you.

9.       Seek to marry your best friend

a.       I know that sometimes people aren’t looking to get married and that person appears seemingly at random, but that shouldn’t stop you from seeking to know that person as best you can. I have been blessed to marry my very best friend. Elise and I have known each other for over seven years now, and because of that we know so much about each other. Sure there is always more to learn, like what type of laundry detergent someone likes, but that comes with time. My point is that even on those rough days where you are in a disagreement with your spouse, you realize it is your best friend and the love of your life and know that together you can make it through anything. In short, don’t settle for marrying someone other than your best friend, someone other than the one person who you cannot live without.

10.   Pray and read the Bible together

a.       This is listed at number ten, but in no way should this be the last thing you think about when it comes to your relationship. Reading the Bible and praying together develops an intimacy that few people realize. When two people read the Bible, a book that has dramatically changed their lives, and pray with each other their emotions, brokenness, and vulnerability. This is when intimacy based in Christ begins to develop in the relationship and it only culminates when eternity with Christ begins.

I know this has been a long post, and I know it is a post that some may write off due to the fact that I have been married for less than two months. But let me assure you that these are areas that will truly help you before, during, and after your marriage.

So in short: Learn self-sacrificing love, that seeks to build each other up, live to love each other through service, know that little things matter (sometimes more than the big ones), always say I love you, spend time together, seek to grow in your relationship with God together, and always put Him at the center of your marriage.

Will you Take the Plunge? Trust is a two way street.

What do youth want? It is a question that many of us have asked ourselves over the years. Based upon how confused my parents were by having five children go through their teens relatively close together, most parents have no idea what teens want. Most teachers don't know, and we see this in their sometimes comical attempt to relate to students. I had a teacher try to rap one time to a bunch of suburban kids in an affluent area in New Jersey while he wore Birkenstock, AE Jeans, and a Ralph Lauren polo. I have seen churches try to relate to students by holding "teen nights" that usually include loud music, junk food, a speaker hyped up on caffeine and Monsters, and a bonfire. But if you were to take a poll of the students in attendance and asked them if their needs were met, most of them would say no.

Now let me say one thing. This is not true in all cases. Some parents, teachers, and churches do an absolutely wonderful job relating to their students. And to those of you who do, I commend you! You are seeing, hearing, and meeting the call to reach our youth. But this post isn't about them, it is about the others who don't, and most notably churches.

You see in working with students I have had the unique opportunity to engage with them. And if there is one thing you should know about students, it is this: They don't trust easily. Students in today's society have learned to be guarded, reserved, closed, and withdrawn from anyone seen as an authority figure. They do not trust those who are older than they are because that trust has been broken too many times to count and they do not want to be hurt again.

Youth today need for us as their leaders and mentors to be trustworthy. This is the first thing we need to realize as youth leaders. Students see this so clearly in everything we do and say. If we say we are going to do something, be somewhere, take them out, show up at their school, or any promise we make we had better stick by it! Students today have been so lied to, strung along, hurt, and misdirected that they are just waiting for us to break our promises or for our word to not be good enough.

Think about this for a moment. Were you ever lied to as a student? Did someone tell you they would be there for you and they weren't? Did you ever feel like someone let you down? The answer is yes! We all have. But the truth of the matter is that over time this didn't get any better, and in fact it has gotten worse. When we were younger we could rebound off of a let down or being lied to, but students today have come to accept this as the norm! No longer does our word mean anything. No longer does telling someone you are there for them hold any salt. No longer do students trust us! We need to earn their trust by showing them we are invested in their lives, their futures, and in them personally and spiritually.

As believers we are told to stick by our word! Matthew 5 points this out very clearly for us. We are told to let our answers be honest and true. We are told that our whole relationship with Christ is based upon trust and faith. And if we cannot model this to our students then why on earth should they listen to what we have to say?

Trust will change our students' lives! Could you imagine what would happen to just one student if someone kept their word 100% of the time with them? Could you see them beginning to trust that person? Can you see the relationship that would be built? In order for us to reach them with the Gospel we first need to establish that we can be trusted. If we are not being honest and truthful, then why should they trust and believe what we have to say? There is no reason for belief if they cannot trust those who teaching.

We as leaders have a high calling to lead younger generations towards the saving grace of Christ. This can only be accomplished by first building a framework that is founded upon trust in the power of the cross!

What I have learned about love by being engaged

Wow, it has been a fairly long time since I last posted. To all of you who actually read this, I apologize for my lack of attentiveness to this blog. But if you know me, then you know I have been extremely busy these past few months. Wedding planning can take up a lot of time, but I have enjoyed every minute of it. And through it all I have begun to realize something. Something has been made so crystal clear to me, like it never was before.

I have realized how incredibly in love I am with Elise. Now please don't write this post off as a lovey-dovey post, because although I do intend to be open about my feelings for Elise, I am going to dig deeper into what love is as portrayed by the Biblical model set forth for us. But you see I only began to completely understand this love, the love a husband has for his wife, as I have begun to spend so much time with Elise.

I never used to love others that much. In fact I would go so far as to say I was pretty self-centered. Sure I loved my family, maybe even some of my friends, but I was always number one. My priorities, my needs, my wants, my desires were always to be met first because I was the most important person in my life. Of course I loved God and put Him first, but I believe my love for Him has grown exponentially through this life changing journey I am on with Elise.

It all started when Elise and I began dating last year. For the first time in my life I began to put someone before myself. It was such a struggle, because my needs weren't first anymore for me. I cared about her. I sought to make her feel loved and special. I went out of my way to spoil her and make her feel like a princess. No longer was it "What does Nick want for dinner?", it was now "What does Elise want for dinner and how can I make it special?". You see I finally was understanding what true love is.

Love isn't about loving yourself. Love isn't about meeting your needs. Love isn't about how you feel. Love is sacrificial. Love is understanding. Love is being a servant. Love is being a leader. Love is loving someone else in a way that you would lay your life down for them. Love is so much more than a feeling or a desire, or the corrupted versions we see in film, television, and in novels. Love is rooted deeply in our Father God who modeled this for us in so many ways. The purpose of this blog post, as I said earlier, is to demonstrate the love God has for us and then looks at how we are to implement that love in our lives in practical and real ways.

The very best place to start looking at love in the Bible is at the beginning...the very beginning. If you look through the first three chapters of Genesis you will see a love unlike any other. God created a place for us as humans to live, grow, worship, commune together and with Him, experience life, emotions, and freedom all under this banner of love He has for us. God gave mankind everything they needed because He loved them and wanted someone to share this love with. We neither had nor deserved the life He gave us, but freely He gave it anyway.

Then what did mankind go and do, but mess everything up. We had it all, and we threw it in God's face in a moment, because we are selfish and our love was for ourselves. But God didn't turn His back on us. Instead He did something we all struggle to do when we are hurt and maligned. God forgave us, put a sacrifice in our place, clothed us, offered us redemption, and still loved us all the more. This is a love that is undeserving, its a love we didn't earn, it is a love we could never purchase or offer anything for it, and yet God freely gave it to us.

Our first lesson on what love is, is this: Love, that is love modeled by God Himself, is free, forgiving, and full. God first gave His love freely. God didn't have to make man, He didn't need to provide a place for Him to live, He didn't have to make a provision when man sinned, and He didn't need to give us anything. And yet that is exactly what He did. God gave His love to us free of charge and didn't ask for anything, except for our love in return. Next God's love is forgiving. Mankind slapped God in the face. Not only did they break His one commandment, they then ran and hid in an attempt to not be caught, then they lied about it. God had every right to condemn them and to rid the world of this despicable race that had now broken His heart, but instead God grieved and loved them more than they deserved. God offered them redemption and forgiveness. They didn't deserve it, they couldn't earn, they had no right to it, but God still offered it. Lastly we see how full God's love is. God doesn't just love us if we follow His rules. He doesn't only love us if we are perfect. He loves us no matter who we are. God created us to love us. God doesn't want any of us to perish but all of us to come to a saving knowledge of Him because He wants us to share in that love with Him.

Let us look at another passage or rather passages within the Gospel of Matthew. This is a love story about Christ coming into a world that was opposed to Him and embracing everyone He encountered, and then calling on them to turn from their sin and come to Him. The first thing we can see about love is that Christ met people where they were at and brought them to repentance. He met the lepers, outcasts, and those that people considered scum (granted this is from John, but it serves the point). Christ's love wasn't based upon who you were, it was based upon how you needed Him. Christ came with open arms, and an open heart. All we need to do is accept Him. You want a lesson in love, Christ is the teacher for it. Christ comes offering love to those who don't deserve it, and He was unbiased about who received it, as long as they accepted Him.

The last area of love I will touch on is this. Love is self-sacrificing. Christ didn't come here demanding we love Him. In fact when all He offered was love and salvation those He offered it to turned on Him and murdered Him. And yet Christ still sought them out. Christ came back and offered a plan of redemption and grace that characterizes the love we are to have for one another. It is a love that lays itself down, but that does so not seeking recognition, knowing some won't accept it, and knowing that it is the greatest demonstration of love that any could ever know. To lay your life down for someone who doesn't deserve it but that you love just because they are who they are is a true definition of love.

So love is this: free, forgiving, full, unbiased, it is for those who don't deserve it, and it is self-sacrificing. Love in marriage, and any relationship for that matter, should encompass all of these facets of Christ's love. There are many other qualities that I cannot touch on due to length this post would be. But let us see the magnitude and grace that God's love has for us. This is real love. The reasons marriages fail is because God isn't the center of them. Putting God first in your lives in all aspects will help you through those difficult times.

We need to realize that loving others is hard. When it comes to a spouse this can be especially true at some points in your marriage. Things will be said, feelings will be hurt, pride will be wounded. It will happen, but loving someone how Christ loved us means meeting them where they are at and not holding it against them. Show them your love and offer forgiveness. That is love! Show them how you are modeling Christ by offering forgiveness and compassion without lording it over them. Show them humility and grace, without payback. This is love, that He loved us first and we now demonstrate it to others.

I am not perfect. I know I cannot always love how God does because I am not God. I know I will mess up and fail. But my goal is to love like Christ loves me. He is our example, and I will do all I can to follow that. Going into this marriage I am seeking to honor Christ by loving my wife completely. I am no longer selfish, I am no long seeking gain, I am no longer seeking to be right always. Instead I am seeking to be selfless, I am seeking her gain and benefit, and I am seeking to serve and accept my imperfections while exhorting her to become better as well. Marriages are never easy, never perfect, and they take work but if you seek to love like Christ you will make it through.

And yes I do know I am new at this. In fact I am not even married yet, but it is amazing what God shows you when you read His Word and allow it to permeate your life. I also want everyone to realize that these are just a few examples of God's love that I have touched on. There are countless examples of His love for us and we are to model those examples as followers of Christ. I would love for you to share how you see God's love displayed elsewhere and how you implement it in your lives. By seeing, then implementing, and growing from it you will see your love for others and for God grow by leaps and bounds, and I would encourage that for all believers.

All this to say, I love you Elise, and I cannot wait to begin this next journey together as we seek to love God by loving each other as He loves us. I will serve you as Christ serves us, and seek to put you first always in my life.

Support for MBI in the Face of Criticism

As many of you know, I am a proud Moody Bible Institute (MBI) graduate. I never intended to go there; in fact back in high school ministry was the farthest thing from my mind. But it is so typical that when we are not looking at our lives the way God does, He radically changes our direction so we see His goal and plan for us. Moody profoundly impacted my life, as it has some many others, and has done great things for the kingdom, so it shocked me when I read this blog decrying Moody's stance on a certain issue: Women in ministry, specifically pastoral ministry.

The above blog has generated a lot of comments, with many of them crying out against MBI's complementarian (Men and Women having different roles within the church) attitude, and attacking its current conservative stance. My purpose in this writing is not to bad-mouth the author of said blog, nor to spawn harsh criticisms, but merely to offer a differing view of MBI through my own experience and the observations I saw during my tenure there.

During my time at MBI I realized I didn't agree with everything that Moody outlined in their rules and regulations. For instance we couldn't watch movies in the dorms, go dancing, drink even if you were over the age of twenty-one, you had a curfew until you were twenty-one, and there were quiet hours. For a college student who had just turned twenty-one I felt extremely restricted and I became very upset with the administration of MBI. My friends and I would spend hours lamenting and lambasting the ultra-conservative and backwards thinking leadership and the donors who, because of their willingness to give, held sway over the leadership and therefore the rules of Moody.

And because of this I (and a few others) rebelled and broke the rules.  I readily admit that I watched movies and T.V. shows, I went dancing a couple times (although what I do should hardly be called dancing), and stayed out after curfew. My attitude was "who are these people that they believe they can control my life just because I attend their school?" Looking back now I realize how childish, naive, and flat out rebellious I was. I felt entitled and wanted to be treated as such. I failed to see that these rules were put in place to protect, guide, and prepare for my future and were not designed to hurt me as I believed. I looked like and sounded like a spoiled child.

But I have digressed from what I originally decided to speak about which is addressing the topic from the aforementioned blog: the seemingly over-bearing, ultra conservative, women subduing nature of the current administration of MBI.

That in and of itself is the nature of that blog post. It is crying afoul that Moody has stripped itself from its original moorings, which were progressive in the nature of women's rights, and then proceeds to critique the conservative stance Moody has taken. Now these are two very large topics to handle so strap yourself in folks, because it could be one long posting.

First let me address the author's tone and the tone of those commenting on the blog. In looking at their responses it is clear that they are upset that Moody is not doing what they want. They believe that Moody should be run differently because they believe differently. Well first of all that sounds a lot like the entitled attitude I used to have. Moody didn't hide anything from those who decided to go there. You had to fill out the application packet, sign the forms, agree to their doctrinal statement, and follow the rules and regulations governing student life. This was a choice that those who attended MBI agreed to abide by. That isn't Moody's fault. They chose to go there. Even if you found it to have been very different from what you thought it to be, than you could have transferred. So by staying there you agreed to submit to the rules. You may not like them, but stop complaining about them. There a literally hundreds of other liberal arts Bible colleges we could have gone to that would have been better suited to your needs if you felt so strongly about MBI.

Second the nature of women in the pastoral role has become a heated topic throughout the last century. And the reason for this is that liberalism has crept into our churches and has caused them to sway from the Gospel. Turn on the television or radio and listen to the garbage people are proclaiming as truth. They say there are multiple paths to heaven, that works account for more than the atonement, that Christ wasn't fully man or God but a man empowered by God, that Christ didn't die to save but rather to appease the Deceiver himself. That is the reason Moody has taken such a conservative stance. They have decided to stand upon the Gospel, not the teachings of men. They have decided to proclaim truth, instead of whimsical feelings. They have decided to be like Christ and as such counter the "norms" of our society.

However, I will say this: Moody is very complementarian. It's a fact. But complementarian does not mean that Moody believes in ridiculing, belittling, ostracizing, or displacing women. It does mean that in accordance with the Word of God (1 Timothy 3:1-13, Titus 1:5-16, Ephesians 5:22-33) that men and women serve differently in roles in the church. Yes there are those women in the Bible who serve in a variety of capacities in the church, but from the Greek translations of the text it would appear that all positions of overseer/shepherd/pastor are all oriented towards men.

This is not a slight by God on the women of the world, nor is it an attack by Moody against women's rights. If you look in the Bible God outlines roles and headship for a reason. Not to be overbearing and hurtful but to provide loving leadership, guidance, and support. I would encourage everyone to look to this book (Our counseling book). It is a book about pre-marital issues but it talks in depth about the roles in the household, church, and our lives with God and helps to serve the point here. Moody is not gender biased, nor do they believe in suppressing women in the church, but yes they do submit to the Biblical model of headship and having men only serve as pastors.

Now are all professors, students, faculty, and staff going to treat this subject with the proper vestiges of love, compassion, forgiveness, and tact? No, they won't. I observed like many of the comments stated in the blog that some people, students and staff alike, would approach this subject with ridicule and a condescending tone. This is first and foremost a sin as it isn't Christ-like. We are called to model Christ in all we do, say, and think and that attitude is none of those. Also, how does that come across to the women who are questioning their role in a church? If I were in their shoes I would feel angry, hurt, disillusioned, and like a lesser human being.

But please hear me out! That is not the majority of MBI. You will run into those who are critical, mean, hurtful, ignorant, and self-absorbed wherever you may go. No that doesn't justify it, but please do not allow the hurtful and childish actions of the minority to corrupt your view of the entire institution. I will not pretend to know everything that transpired at MBI because I don't, but as I stated that is my experience. Please do not allow the mistakes of a few to count against the many. The majority at MBI practice what the Bible says, and look to live as Christ intended.

As for women in the Pastoral Studies program, I will speak on that from direct experience. I loved my major, the department, and the godly men and women who served in that department. It is ironic to me that the author of the blog decries Moody not allowing women in ministry because Women's Ministries are located within the Pastoral Department. Moody obviously believes that women have roles and positions in the church that they can serve in. They are not trying to brush them under the rug in a vain attempt to appear equal. They allow women in all classes. I for one can recall numerous classes, both preaching and pastoral in general, where women would attend, contribute, and dare I say it...preach?! Gasp! So where the author of the blog draws his conclusions from I do not know, because my observations within the department were quite different.

Lastly I would like to touch on the subject of conservatism that has now become the norm at Moody. This runs hand in hand with the last topic of women in ministry because that is where the idea formulates. Moody takes a literal interpretation of Scripture and as such has refused to allow for modern distortions of theology and doctrine to take hold of its mantra and instead has stood the solid ground of staying true to the Word of God. I am not decrying anyone who may be liberal, but I would decry a liberal interpretation of the Gospel.

To take a liberal approach on the interpretation of God's holy word and subject it to the whims and fantasies of men will give us the same heresies the church father's fought so hard to prove false. Liberal theology has allowed for other methods of salvation, heresy that Jesus wasn't God, the establishment of Universalism, the corruption of leadership, and the allowance of blatant habitual sin within our churches. That is why Moody has chosen to take a stand on Biblical conservatism. Not to bind any one person or group, but instead to protect its core values and the very nature of the Word of God, and in so doing the people of God as well.

The author of the blog also points out that Moody was progressive back when it was founded. Moody indeed challenged the thoughts and common practices of the culture, but all with the confines of the Biblical mandate as set forth through the Bible that God Himself gave to mankind. So if that is what makes MBI progressive then they are still progressive today as they stand in the face of society that tells them to conform and yet they choose to stand apart as God has called all believers to do. Being progressive does not mean turning a blind eye to something we are not comfortable with but rather addressing it in love, civility, and understanding.

Please hear me out. I am not looking to condemn, to cause arguments, or to attack. I am attempting to engage in dialogue, spur discussion, defend my Alma Mater, and ultimately help one another grow in our understanding of the Word of God. Should you wish to comment on this posting, please keep it civil, and remember to comment out of love not anger or hurt. I would love to talk more and to share my heart and thoughts with any who would like to hear.